Monday, March 13, 2017

December 4

Okay, I am officially bored. I have spent the last couple of days doing my best to not whine when I have no real cause to, yet here I am complaining. It’s no one’s fault but my own, but there it is. I am bored.

Mom’s gone, and all the drama that came with her is gone too. Our conversations over coms, both live and recorded, are rosy as hell. She doesn’t call me names. She expresses motherly concern for my welfare. She misses Anrel like crazy. She’s making great improvements away from me and Kalquor. The old saying ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ is definitely being proven out these days. I’m happy for her. I really am. The kind of boredom that comes with not being on her shit list and worrying myself sick over her should be a good thing.

Maybe it would be if I was spending more time with Clan Aslada. They have all returned to work. Because they are important people and some things cropped up during the leave they took to be with me, they are playing catch-up. That means long hours and little time for us to get to know each other and have fun together. Hell, all three of them were gone before I woke up yesterday morning. They only came home after I’d fallen asleep in the common room last night, trying to wait up for at least one of them. I have a very bleary memory of Aslada carrying me to bed.

We knew our time would be limited when they went back to their jobs. That’s why they are taking leave again in about four weeks, this time to be with me without the added angst of my mom. But for now, they’ve got their work to stay busy. Aslada can’t even find time to do those vid productions we’ve been talking about for weeks. He’s bogged down with legislation and fighting with other government officials.

And what do I have? A baby who is hogged by her nanny, Imdiko Snoy. Physical, fighting, and weapons training by three Nobeks who are in and out of here as fast as their duties allow. Servants who have responsibilities that don’t include amusing me. I can com Katrina, Candy, Betra, and Oses only so many times in a day before I start looking completely pathetic.

Aslada and Meyso have reached out to the six clans they know which have Mataras. However, half of the women are so old that we’re sure I’d have nothing in common with them. One is rumored to be adamantly anti-Earther. The younger women say they are eager to get to know me, but they have careers of their own keeping them busy.

Still, I have no right to complain. I know that! Life has never been so easy or so good. But…boo hoo. I’m bored. And lonely. I don’t know what to do with myself here in this huge place.

I have to wonder if I’ve been in too many scrapes to be a normal person who can pursue a drama-free life. Am I actually isolated here, or is it the sudden lack of adventure that’s bothering me? As if I’d want to be kidnapped or attacked ever again! Still, I’m not doing the whole lady of leisure thing very well. As wonderful as Clan Aslada is (when I see them), I need more than what I’m getting right now. I need my friends. I need something to fill the hours that stretch forever until a handsome face comes home and smiles at me.

I think I should go back to the Matara Complex. At least until Aslada, Meyso, and Jaon’s schedules calm back down and we can get back to the business of reviewing our compatibility. Hanging around and waiting for that or for their next leave feels like I’m wasting valuable time. In the meantime, I can re-connect with Clan Seot. I can hang out with Candy and the other women of the complex. I can play with Anrel without Snoy hovering over us, looking at me as if I’m stealing his child.

I hope Clan Aslada won’t take this wrong, but I’m going to go nuts if I don’t go back to my friends for a little while. The guys are doing their best to make me happy under the circumstances, but the lack of interaction…between equals rather than mistress-of-the-house and servants…is depressing. I feel like I’m in limbo, and it’s not a good feeling. Heaven help me if I get too morose and drive this clan away because I’m a miserable bitch. I’ll never forgive myself.

Okay, so I’ve talked myself into going back to the Matara Complex. Now I just have to figure out how to break the news to Clan Aslada. Yeah, that’s going to be fun.

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