Monday, January 9, 2017

November 10

It has not been a good couple of days.

Mom started physical rehab. After months in stasis, she’s got no strength left. Each little exertion wipes her out. What she manages to do makes her sore as her muscles protest the unaccustomed work. She was not in great shape to start with, and full recovery is going to be a long, arduous road. Needless to say, she is frustrated at how weak she is, the pain she feels, and how far she has to go.

Before rehab, Mom had reached a kind of equilibrium. I don’t know how much was due to the operation that has regulated her chemical imbalances, behavioral therapy with Dr. Kini, and enjoying girl talk with Elwa. But her outbursts of anger had eased notably. I didn’t feel like I had to walk on eggshells all the time when I talked to her.

But the old Eve Monroe is back with a vengeance now that she’s struggling with regaining physical strength. She’s furious every waking moment of the day and cussing us all with the exceptions of Anrel and Elwa.

Guess who’s at the top of her shit list? That would be me.

“Why couldn’t you leave me the way I was?” she screamed when I walked in this morning. “Maybe I was happy not knowing what fucking day it was. Maybe I was better off wandering around without a clue. I’d have been better off staying on Earth and choking on the radiation, but no. You had to drag my ass out to this hell, letting these assholes poke around in my brain while you fucked everything in sight!”

That’s a small taste of the abuse I’ve had to deal with. If not for having the support group I have in Clan Aslada, Elwa and her guys, and Dr. Kini, I’d probably be yelling right back. Or worse, sobbing somewhere.

I keep reminding myself of what Feru said back on the Pussy ‘Porter. Mom doesn’t know how to be anything but angry or depressed. She may not be feeling those emotions as strongly as she used to, but they’ve always been her coping mechanism. Those old habits are not going to disappear overnight, especially since she’s back to resisting working with Dr. Kini. He’s a close second to me for being her whipping boy.

I’ve dealt with worse. I can handle this. It won’t last forever. She’ll get stronger and start feeling better again. We just have to get over this little bump in the road. Healing can be painful, but it is taking place. It’s all going to be fine.

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