Thursday, March 19, 2015
May 7, later
Okay, drum roll please. I have found out my baby’s sex and I am having – bum-da-da-bum – a girl!
Actually, I would have been happy with either a boy or a girl. There are advantages to both. In this case, I’m a girl, so I’ll be able to relate to my kid. That’s good. Eventually, my daughter will have Kalquorian men falling over themselves to keep her safe and happy. Another good point in her favor. Plus there is no way she’ll be categorized as a Nobek. I admit, finding out that it’s mandatory for Nobek boys to spend most of their childhoods in training camp had everything in my heart screaming NO. Surely they can’t be that dangerous and violent, right? At least not until they’re teenagers.
At any rate, that big fear is off my mind. I get to keep my little bundle of joy with me.
There are disadvantages as to this child being a girl too. Like how to keep her from becoming a spoiled brat. Kalquorians are so thrilled over girls who can eventually become mommies themselves. I’ve already seen evidence of how much the men will sacrifice in order to attract a fertile woman. It’s going to be a chore to make sure my little darling doesn’t let that go to her head. Plus she needs to learn to be strong and independent, no matter how much the men want to take care of her.
I’m sad I can’t name my baby after Nayun. When I asked him what his name meant, he told me it was an ancient term that loosely translates to ‘force of a storm’. Sigh. I don’t want my daughter to be on par with a hurricane or tornado. Nayun says it’s a masculine name anyway.
I haven’t even thought about girls’ names. Every time I’ve brought up the subject with Candy and Katrina, it’s turned into silly time with us giggling over the worst possible names in the universe. I don’t think we’ve ever been serious about it.
A girl. I’m having a girl. I should be able to do this, right? Pretty frilly dresses, dolls, ribbons, and braids. Great, I’ll have a miniature Candy if I’m not careful. I’ve had moments of being a girly-girl, but I had a tomboy streak too. Will my daughter climb trees? Play with the Kalquorian equivalent of frogs and snakes? Beat up boys on the playground who tease her?
I can’t even imagine. After all, I don’t think I’m much like my mother. Will my child be anything like me or the opposite?
I’m excited. I’m also scared shitless. After being nearly killed too many times, it’s ridiculous to be afraid of a tiny baby. Yet the responsibility is weighing heavy. I’m going to freak out, I think.
But first I’ll com the dads, Joelle, and Clan Seot with the news.
I wish I could com Clan Dusa too. After all, I’m hoping one of them is the baby’s father. But I know it would be cruel to do so. Unspeakably cruel. It’s hard to leave them out, but they made it clear they want it this way. I am not their Matara. They will not be a part of raising this child. It’s better to leave them in the past.
No, no, no; I’m not going to cry. It’s my birthday and I’m having a little girl. I’m supposed to celebrate.