Monday, January 6, 2014
Have I mentioned lately that I’m an idiot? An unmitigated fool? I have? Good, let me say it again.
I am an utter ass.
After all the stupid shit with Nang, after getting pregnant and not knowing who the father is, I have not learned one damned thing. Not. One. Damned. Thing.
After a mostly sleepless night thinking about how up close and personal I’d been with Betra, I got up this morning. I dealt with the light morning sickness by taking a shower and doing my best to ignore it. By the time I was scrubbed clean, it had mostly passed. I could contemplate the thought of a piece of toast and maybe a little juice.
Dumb Mistake Number One Billion: I was wondering what to wear today when my door announce went off. My back was to the door, and I had a towel wrapped around me. Thinking it would be Candy and Katrina stopping by to see if I was conscious yet, I called, “Enter,” without bothering to verify it was my friends.
The door hissed open behind me. Light footsteps came in and stopped. I heard the door hum closed again, but no one spoke.
I turned with a blouse in my hands, already yapping. “Hey, I was just getting dressed—”
I froze and shut up. Betra stood only feet away, his face thunderstruck as he looked at me still dripping and wearing only towel. A towel that chose that very fucking moment to untuck and fall off me. I do not lie ... I am the walking embodiment of Murphy’s Law. This law states, “If a man you are attracted to and have no business having sex with comes upon you wearing only a towel, that towel will fall right the fuck off in front of him.” And if Murphy’s Law doesn’t say that, it damned well should.
Betra’s eyes went so wide open I thought they might fall out of his head. His jaw tried to crash through the floor. Meanwhile, I was so stunned I could only stand there staring back at him.
Dumb Mistake Number One Billion and One.
By the time I recovered my senses enough to drop the blouse I was holding and swoop towards the floor to retrieve my towel, it was too late. Betra had me in his arms. He kissed me and my ridiculous nymphomaniac brain short-circuited.
What can I say? It felt good to be held again. Hell, it felt better than good. It felt amazing. I’d been kissed with raw passion before, but never as desperately as Betra kissed me this morning. His tongue surged in my mouth as if he’d die for want of me. I responded to it, to the frantic grip he held me with, the forceful, agonized way he plumbed my mouth as if the initial taste he’d never be satisfied again. He even moaned as he kissed me, like he was begging me to not stop him, that it would kill him if I did.
I didn’t try. All the hurt of leaving Dusa, Esak, and Weln behind and of realizing we had a damned slim chance of ever reuniting exploded in my heart right then. I felt like I was drowning and had only Betra to keep me afloat. So I grabbed onto him and hung on for all I was worth, kissing him with as much needfulness as he showed me.
Super-Duper Dumb Mistake Number One Billion and Two.
I’m not sure when we made it to the bed. We were just suddenly there. I’m guessing my Imdiko liaison carried me. He must have sprinted for it.
I clawed at his uniform, pulling the front seam open to get at his wide, muscled chest. From there, it just became a wild melee of us rolling around, grabbing at each other, yanking at his clothes to get him naked, kissing each other all over as well as biting like a couple of animals. I think we went temporarily insane for a few minutes.
The only thing that spoke of lucidity was that Betra managed to prepare me for anal penetration. He shoved his fingers in my pussy and fucked me hard with them for a few seconds, collecting my juices as I jerked and bucked beneath him. He never said a word, he just growled as fierce as Esak had ever been. For an Imdiko, he was a savage thing. Then he shoved his dripping fingers up my ass, stretching me open in preparation for his cock.
Meanwhile I grabbed hold of him, pumping both his cocks to make his muscles cord and veins pop out. He was so slick with the lubricant pouring out that it was actually hard to keep my hands on him. He kept sliding out of my grip as he worked me with one hand, squeezed my breasts with the other, and licked and nipped every inch of skin he could get to. Betra was a beast, but then again, so was I. It was a miracle neither of us drew blood.
Then he was on top of me, pressing his cocks against my pussy and ass. Shoving them in. Making me take him. It was the kind of glorious hurt I’d enjoyed before with my other Kalquorian lovers, and though I squalled in pain, I fought to impale myself on him at the same time. It makes no sense to say this, because the last thing I need is to be fucking another damned alien I can’t clan. Yet I needed Betra. Yes, I NEEDED him.
We didn’t make love. We fucked. Pure and simple, we fucked the living hell out of one another. I fought to take some control and have Betra the way I wanted, but he wouldn’t stand for it. He held me hard against that wide chest, not letting me move against him. His hips pounded against me, shoving his dicks deep inside. The friction was crazy hot, making me kick and claw him in reaction. I was in heaven to have a Kalquorian inside me once more, making me so overfull with two thick cocks that hit every sweet spot I possessed. Carnal heat rose so scorching that I was sure we’d catch on fire. Within seconds my pussy had started shallow convulsions, tiny preludes to the big blast. It pulled at Betra’s primary cock, coaxing him to fuck me harder and faster, to make us both come. I wrapped my legs around his flexing ass, squeezing to yank him in even deeper.
His face burrowed against my neck. I turned my face away, giving him more room to sink his fangs into me. He bit, and the pain stabbed, a fierce brightness amid the chaotic tumult the rest of me was in.
I exploded. Ecstasy rolled through my body, bursting me at the seams. I knew I screamed, but I didn’t hear myself do it. All my focus was on the torrid streaming of electric bliss pouring through my being. While I acknowledge fucking Betra was probably not a smart decision, it felt damned fine right then and there. In that moment, the only thing I knew was rhapsodic pleasure. All my pain and anger disappeared for a few precious seconds, giving me peace despite the tumult of orgasm.
As I rode the simmering waves back down to myself, Betra’s breath caught. His face tightened with strain and an instant later his moans rang out as he filled me with pulse after pulse of release. I guess it had been a long time since he’d been with anyone, because that man came longer than any male I’d ever seen. Even after his body turned lax and his weight sank down on me, I could still feel his cocks twitch and jerk.
As my torn thoughts slowly knit themselves together, I realized what I’d let happen. Again. Even the euphoria of Betra’s intoxicating bite wasn’t enough to mask my stupidity from me. At least Betra didn’t seem too pleased with himself either.
“Damn it,” he breathed, his head turned so I couldn’t look into his face. “I came here to apologize again for kissing you last night. I didn’t show up to seduce you. To – to have sex. But when I saw you there, wet and wearing almost nothing – and then you really were wearing nothing – I had to have you.”
I didn’t say anything. What excuse did I have?
Betra finally looked at me. His expression was one of torment. “I’m sorry. That was not what I intended to happen. I swear to you, I did not mean to lose control.”
I sighed. “Don’t beat yourself up, Betra. It’s not like I tried to get you to stop.” I shook my head. “What is it with me that I just have to screw a man when I’m feeling alone?”
He offered me a half smile. “Because being alone sucks, to use your Earther vernacular. That endless emptiness is the most awful thing in the universe.”
“You sound like you know a lot about it.”
“I do.” Betra huffed a breath. “If I didn’t find sex with other men so off-putting, I could be a lot happier. I’m sick of being lonely, Shalia. I’m sick of it.”
“But not sick enough of it to take a cock up your ass.”
He stared at me for a moment then burst into laughter. He kept laughing for a long time until tears poured down his cheeks. I grinned at him, glad to have taken that flash of angst from him. Poor guy.
Finally he calmed down. “No, I’m not to that point yet.” He sobered again, but the smile remained put, thank goodness. “Now what do we do?”
“You are asking the wrong woman,” I sighed. “I have all these good, noble intentions that I keep screwing up no matter how hard I try to do the right thing. My notion is to say let’s be friends and put this behind us, but I’m afraid the moment I do, we’ll be going at it again.”
Fucking Murphy’s Law.
Betra nodded. “I have to admit, I’d hate for this tempestuous romp to be the only example of how I make love. I can do more than just hump like an animal.” He reddened. “And I can last a good deal longer.”
“You men. Always worried about your performance.” I gave him a peck on the lips. “Quick and dirty has its place too. You don’t hear me complaining, do you?”
He grinned. “No, but they might have heard you yelling two levels up.”
I rolled my eyes. “You are not allowed to brag.”
We never did come to a decision about where our ‘relationship’ stands. We haven’t agreed to have sex again. We haven’t agreed to not have sex either. One thing is for certain: I am not going to lose my heart to this guy. In the end, all it will do is get me hurt, and I’ve had more than enough of that.