Thursday, January 16, 2014

January 10

Well, my time is up.  Dr. Tep has called me in to see him about my final decision on the pregnancy.  If we’re to freeze it for later implantation, it has to happen within the next couple of days.

Now that I know there is the threat of an attack on the transport, it seems more than ever that this is not a good time to bring a child into the universe.  Then again, when is there ever a good time?  I swear I’m running from trouble more often than not these days, though things do seem rather settled right now.  

I’ve peeked through the staggering numbers of clans offering to bring the child up as their own.  Being pregnant has definitely made me a more popular candidate for their Matara than if I was not.  The question of whether Kalquorian men mind raising another man’s child is settled.  Everyone promises my unborn all the support for his or her endeavors into adulthood and beyond.  These boys aren’t playing around.  They want me and my child.

The thought I could be carrying the son or daughter of Dusa, Esak, or Weln also makes me want to have this baby.  To know I can keep a piece of the first clan who let me know it was all right to love men, that the majority of the male gender is not composed of self-centered assholes, means the world to me.  Even if it’s Nang’s child, I don’t have to know that.  Besides, it’s not the kid’s fault if Nang did win the lucky sperm lottery.  My baby still deserves a good, happy life.

And yes, I’ll admit I haven’t quite let go of the hope that someday I’ll be able to introduce my firstborn to Dusa’s clan.  I know, I know, it’s an utterly selfish thing now that Betra has enlightened me on how everyone else might feel if that happened.  Yet I still want it.  Dusa and the rest still won’t respond to any of the messages I sometimes send in which I let them know how I’m doing.  It could be they’ll avoid me for the rest of their lives.  Still, I can’t get the sweet image of them holding their child in their arms someday, seeing the thing of beauty they created with me.  Is that truly such an awful thing?

Anyway, it looks like I’ve made my decision, so I’m tromping off to speak to Tep.  Then I’m going to find Katrina and Candy and see how the salon went last night and if Candy actually showed up for it.


  1. I hope she keeps the embryo where it is. If I knew there was a threat of attack I wouldn't want my 'maybe-baby' in a cryo chamber somewhere that I couldn't access.

    1. I'm with you. I'm totally leery putting the cryo chamber. Seems like it would just beg to be lost or stolen. Embryo in space. The maiden voyage.

    2. I hope she does keep her baby within her body. I agree that is an accident waiting to happen. Suppose the Tragooms do attack. It could become lost in space, stolen or the cryo chamber could be damaged in an attack.
      Plus what are the horomonal side effects of removal or re-implantation. I imagine they would have to shoot you full of a lot of hormones and other drugs to get your uterus back to being able to support a baby.
      She should ask questions about the side effects before she makes any decisions. Plus Shalia has been on such an emotional roller coaster for so long that keeping her baby in cryo stasis might be upsetting to her.

  2. I'm glad Shalia has decided to keep her baby, and I also want to have her reunite with clan Dias even if they cannot clan.

  3. Wondering if Oses already has a Dramok... Once they meet Shalia they may want to clan Betra ASAP so they can get Shalia too. Glad she is keeping her baby.

  4. I agree completely about her keeping her baby safely inside her, or we'll the safest pace it can be. It will be interesting to see how this plays out with Betra if Oses is indeed interested in cleaning him, with Betra being completely heterosexual, will be interesting to see if he could indeed be seduced or convinced to swing both ways. Dying to see it unfold. Love you Tracy, can't wait for more!!!