Monday, December 30, 2013

January 6

I have to make a decision on this kid.  Tep says I need to make my choice within the week for optimal success in removing and freezing my little hitchhiker. 

Clan Dusa won’t return my messages.  I didn’t really think they would.  The guys expect me to move on, to find another trio of men to spend my life with.  It’s just like men to think it’s so freaking easy to do such a thing. 

What if Dusa, Weln, and Esak were the ones I was meant to be with?  I worry that the universe or God or whoever runs this show said, ‘Here’s your happily-ever-after, served to you on a plate.  Enjoy.’  And they won’t even talk to me now. 

Fuck.  I never should have left Earth without them. 

I commed Dad, wanting a sounding board.  Fortunately, it was after shift, Atlanta-time, and he was available to talk to me.  He looked wonderful in his big bear dad way.

We did the obligatory, hi-how-are-you-you look-great-I-miss-you dance.  I know I sound flippant about it here, but I do miss Dad.  So much that dwelling on it too much makes me want to cry.  So I’ll skip to the part where I got cranky with him.

“You are just like a father to meddle in my love life,” I told him.  “You knew I’d never leave Dusa’s clan if I was aware I was pregnant.”

Dad raised an eyebrow at me.  “All the more reason to not tell you.  Besides, Nang was too much of a troublemaker to allow you to remain near him.”  He sighed.  “Shalia, you aren’t even sure that Clan Dusa is the right one for you.  You’ve told me that yourself.  How could I let you stay with them and make a mistake?”

“I’m an adult.  I’m allowed to make mistakes and have to live miserably with them for the rest of my life.”

Background laughter let me know the other two dads were listening.  Nayun darted a fierce glare to one side and went back to me.

“My daughter, you are now a part of my culture.  The child you carry is half-Kalquorian.  You have consented to the lottery.  That means doing things our way.”

I pursed my lips at him.  “I hope the Empire realizes that at some point, we Earther girls are going to demand some pretty significant changes.”

Nayun finally chuckled.  “I have no doubt of that.  With the shackles of your church and government loosened, many of you are taking the new freedoms to heart and demanding even more.”

“Give us an inch—”

“And you’ll take a mile.”  His smile turned sad.  “Shalia, this is not easy for any of us.  For the good of all, we are having to make sacrifices, Earther and Kalquorian alike.”

I looked at him closely.  “I’ve asked you before, and you never gave me an answer.  Who is she?”

That got more laughter from the background.  Bitev walked into the vid shot behind Nayun and smiled.  “Our daughter is quite observant.”

“No fool,” Rak agreed, off-vid.  “She gets it from my side of the family.”

That cracked us all up.  When everyone stopped laughing, I prodded, “So?”

“We clanned a Matara,” Bitev told me.  “A wonderful, wonderful woman named Joelle.”

“Congratulations,” I said, stunned.  I’d fully expected such a good bunch of men to find a lady who would appreciate them, but I was startled they’d clanned so quickly.  “So where’s the lucky woman?”

“On her way to Kalquor,” Nayun said.  His smile faltered.  “She left a week ago.  We miss her terribly even though we speak once a day.  That’s what I meant about making sacrifices.”

Rak walked into view.  “It was too dangerous for Joelle to remain here.  We had to do what was right for her, as Nayun did for you, my daughter.  Do not be too hard on your Imdiko father when all he was doing was taking care of you.”

Bitev added, “We asked Joelle to check on you once she gets to Kalquor.  She’s excited to meet you.  I hope that is acceptable to you?”

“Well, of course.  I was hoping to give my approval before you up and got yourselves clanned.”  I was only half-teasing.  “Sneaky dads.”

They grinned at me.  “She makes us very happy,” Nayun said. 

“I guess that will have to be good enough for me.”  I cocked an eyebrow at them.  I saw an opening to get retribution for my dads clanning a woman behind my back.  “Are you planning to give me little brothers and sisters?  Ooh, a whole bunch of Shalias!  I can teach them all I know about getting into trouble.  Won’t that be fun?”

“Joelle is too old for having babes, thank the ancestors.”  Nayun winked at me.  “I would not trade you for any other child, my daughter, but you are aging this old man very quickly.”

Rak scowled.  “Please do find yourself a good clan, my daughter.  Then allow us to give our approval.”  His expression got that distinctive no man is good enough for my daughter look. 

Bitev added, “And don’t waste time vetting your candidates.  The two years you have will pass quickly, faster than you think it will.”

“But there’s no rush if I have the baby,” I said.  “The mother of a Kalquorian citizen doesn’t have to leave the Empire.”

Nayun’s shoulders drooped as Bitev and Rak exchanged a dark look.  Yep, they all looked like exasperated dads.  I got myself a good bunch to adopt me.  They may not be getting it right, but they care ... and here I am, ready to be weepy again.

Nayun said, “Who the hell told you?  Damn it, Shalia, don’t shut your heart off from what could be a wonderful match by waiting for Clan Dusa to come home and claim you.”

“It could be many years before they return to Kalquor,” Bitev reminded me.  “Years your child will not have fathers to look to.”

“I never said I was waiting for Dusa’s clan to make me their Matara,” I pointed out.  “I just think it’s important they get to see their child.”

“It may not be theirs,” Nayun said, trying to be severe and failing at it. 

“It’s not theirs,” Rak interjected.  “The child belongs to the fathers you choose for it.  No other men.”

Bitev nodded his agreement.  “It’s our way, my daughter.  Having another clan intruding on the life of yours is a disastrous course.  And how confusing would it be for the child?”

“Let Dusa, Esak, and Weln go, Shalia.”  Nayun said this very gently.  “I know it hurts.  I know you don’t understand it yet.  But it’s best for them, you, and your child.”

I knew they were trying to advise me as best they could.  I knew they wanted only the best for me.  I’m beginning to understand that Kalquorian men are a bunch of well-meaning macho jerks who we Earther women will have to fix.  They are exasperating, but I happen to love this particular trio too much to take offense. 

I managed a conciliatory smile.  “You make a good case for it.  I have plenty to think about it.”

“You’ll com when you make your decision about the child?” Nayun asked.

“I’ll tell you first.”  I blew the group a kiss.  “Thanks for letting me bend your ears.  I love you guys.  Oh, make sure you give Joelle my com frequency.  I need to get to know my stepmom.”

That earned me some grins.  We yapped about a couple more things before we finally signed off.

Ah, Kalquorians.  We are so similar but light years apart on the important issues sometimes.  I understand they have their beliefs, but I think mine are just as valid.  And I am the one who is pregnant.  I have not changed my mind one iota about making Dusa’s clan a part of their child’s life if I have it.


  1. Shalia does have the right to wait for her boys. She also has the right to wait on clanning with any of the loto clans. Yes it will be lonely with a child and being alone but maybe if certain clan hears a certain step fartherly clan talking about their earther daughter waiting for the clan she loves to come and claim her and HER child,.... that might get them off their "feel sorry for us" attitude and start acting like men that love her and are miserable without her.

  2. I think Shalia is being incredibly selfish and immature. She always bitched about what a terrible mother Eve was and she is following in her same selfish foot steps. Maybe she should have the embryo removed and implanted in the womb of a woman who wants a baby. Who wants to give her child a good life. Not live off of welfare, pining for three youngs guys who are trying to move on. Plus chances are this is Nang's baby anyway. I don't see why she wants to latch onto Dusa's clan all of a sudden, when on Earth she liked sleeping with them but felt they were too young for her and that while she really liked them. She wasn't ready for a relationship. Not to mention her feelings about Nang until she found out he manipulated her into his bed.

    The best way to get Shalia interested in something is to tell her she can't have it.

  3. Cmarchese, you are so right about Shalia, she needs to grow up and to stop believing that the world revolves around her, me, me, me all the time is so tiresome. What a horrible example of womanhood she is. She needs to forget about Clan Dusa and look out for her baby

    1. Thanks, Helen. I am really frustrated with her attitude. You are right, she is a horrible example of womanhood. She needs to move on and grow up.

    2. Cmarchese, Helen, thank you so much for putting into words what I've been thinking for quite a while now.
      Although I love Kalq world and all the books and can hardly wait for the next one to come out, I've started skipping diary's entries, cause I'm really sick of Shalia's selfishness, self-centeredness and immaturity. IMHO, at the moment she doesn't deserve either a clan or a baby at all.

  4. What Shalia should do is to freeze the embrio and wait until she is in Kalquor to have it. That way, if something happens during the voyage, she would not lose the baby. The baby will be save until reaching home. Her journey will be more comfortable and less stressful, don't you think?

  5. I have to go a little lighter on Shalia. Seriously? She has been through an awful lot in her recent past so I think she has a right to be a little wiggy about her current situation. True she is focusing too much on Clan Dusa and involving them in her childs life. It may not even BE their child, but I think its more of a way for her to try and not think Nang could be the father. Plus...I think she's freaking out about the response to her questionaire. I would be. 648 clans in just 7 hours? Oh Hell no! Run fast in the opposite direction. Good lord, that is 1944 freaking Kalquorian men! No how. Talk about overwhelming. Even if she cuts half of them right now, she would have to go on a date every single day for a year just to meet them, let alone get to know them. And I certainly think SHE would be thinking they were only interested because she is a 'proven' breeder. Shalia honey....go for the slightly over 2 dozen who didn't mention the baby and cut the least to start. Lol

  6. And I don't think she is selfish at all. It appears she was the only one who thought to give Betra a Christmas present. And a handmade one that took effort and thought. It meant a lot to him. Not the actions of a selfish person. She has issues...but who doesn't? She will grow as she becomes more adjusted. Just may take some time. Lol. I hope she has the baby during the voyage to kalquor. Betra can be her Lamaz (?) Coach! ;)

  7. I must Agree Celtic, People are being really rough on her, Why is it Lindsy was so strong for standing up for her love, and not giving up on it, but Shalia is being seen as weak and selfish. She has had so little in life to depend on to get close to, granted yes Dusa's clan was the first to give her something yo hold onto, but again as very much the same for Lindsy. And OMG I so totally agree about the flood of suitors. Granted I know that children are important to their survival But again make her feel like a breed mare much. I agree I would look more to the ones that did not focus on her pregnancy, but on her, as a person not a baby vessel. I am not saying the clans would not care for her But focusing souly on the fact she can get pregnant, well perhaps it is just me. but that would be depressing for me. Perhaps she is not meant to be with Dusa's clan, as said who knows, soooo much happens on earth, anything could happen to Dusa's clan. And perhaps she will click with another clan. I still see nothing wrong with her wishing Dusa's clan to be involved with her babies life, If they expect earthen women to make so many compromises for the good of the empire well It is no longer just the Kolqarion Empire any more. It is mix And the culture as a whole will change with it, Women are likely going to want to have more freedom now that they are out from under the foot of earths a old ways. I do not think she is asking for to much. As for her believing the world revolves around her. I could not Disagree more. Everything she has done. She is leaving and still consented to the lottery, because it is helping her mother. She is the one that was making all the sacrifices, I still believe if her mother had not been an issue. She would have stayed with Dusa's. So she had doubts in the beginning about them and their age. but how often have some had doubts and then realized they were in love. Who knows what will happen. although I admit that I would love to see her and Dusa's clan together I realize that may not happen. But it certainly will be awesome to find out what is in the future. Keep it coming Tracy and HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Thanks you!!