Thursday, December 5, 2013

December 20, later

Well, fuck me.  I wish the Kalquorian Empire itself had a face so I could punch it.  They have the stupidest rules!

I went to Dr. Tep and told him I wanted to know who the father of my child is.  Guess what?  There’s a good chance I won’t be allowed to know!  Since I’m not going to clan with Dusa and company, nor Clan Nang (oh HELL NO), my child is to be the legal offspring of whoever I clan with.  That means unless Nang or someone in Dusa’s clan has family histories of genetic illnesses, Tep won’t give me the name of the father! 

How the hell is that fair?  Or right?  Shouldn’t my child know who his real father is?  Or at least the clan he comes from?  I mean ... what the fuck?

Tep did promise to check into the medical records of all concerned.  That scared the shit out of me.  What if Nang found out he might be the father of my child?  He didn’t want to take ‘no’ for an answer most of the time anyway.  Good Lord, if I ever opened my door to see that jerk standing there with that ‘I own your ass’ look on his face ... fuck.  I’d kill him or myself.

Fortunately, Dr. Tep assured me none of the potential fathers would know a genetic health check was being performed on their backgrounds.  So that’s a relief.  At least Kalquor is getting one thing right.

He then said, “So you’ve had a few days to think about what you’re going to do with this child.  Have you got any questions or concerns you’d like to discuss?”

I had to laugh, though not with much humor.  “Dr. Tep, I’ve got nothing BUT concerns.  This is such a mess, especially if I don’t know who the father is.”

“The fathers will be the men you clan.  Biology does not make a parent.  Love and care do.”

Well, isn’t that sweet.  And not one bit of help to me whatsoever.  “I have to know.  I still talk to Clan Dusa.  We still care about each other.”

Tep sighed.  “You really should rethink that relationship.  You are on your way to Kalquor to be a part of the lottery.  You’re going to join an established clan which will take care of you and make you their lives’ priority, along with the children you give them.”

I scowled.  “I don’t need a guilt trip, Doc.”

He kept on anyway.  “Meanwhile, Clan Dusa will be on Earth for as long as it takes to evacuate your people.  They may even reach a point while still there when they’ll have been together long enough to clan a woman.  They may find a mate, one who makes them as happy as they were with you.  If you’re still clinging to them, however, they’ll miss that chance.”

I blinked at him.  It had never occurred to me that Dusa’s clan might meet someone special.  Someone they would be able to clan.

The thought made me a little ill.  Sure, I want the boys to be happy.  I want them to have someone who cares for them and makes them smile.  I’ll be honest and admit I had never been quite sure I was that someone.  Yet now that I was faced with it, I wanted to push the idea away.  To pretend that it could never happen.

I muttered, “Thanks for making me feel like shit.”

Tep sighed and patted my shoulder.  “Sometimes life works like that, Matara Shalia.  You have to turn your back on the past, as much as it might hurt.  It’s not good for someone in your condition to be stressed over a foolish thing like the child’s paternity.  You should be thinking of a bright and happy future, surrounded by men who love you.”

I was betting Tep had never been in a hopeless love affair.  It must be nice to not have your heart yanked out and stomped on.  Otherwise, he’d never be hinting that I set Dusa’s clan aside.  He’d never suggest I should simply walk away like it hadn’t meant anything.

For God’s sake, they may have given me a child.  How am I supposed to not think about that?

And the good news just keeps coming.  The com just went off, and it was my good advice buddy Tep himself.  None of the Kalquorians I had sex with has any abnormal genetic history.  I will not know who the father of my child is.  How fucking liberating.  Asshole.


  1. As much as it hurts, he has a point.

  2. I agree with Dr. Tep, Shalia needs to move on. Clan Dusa may be on Earth for another two years or more. Plus I wouldn't want to know if it was Nang's. She needs to grow up and move on. I am pretty sure Clan Dusa would want her to move on for the child' s well being, too.

  3. So Kalquorians don't have to pay child support? What if she has the baby but doesn't choose clan. She needs to keep asking questions.

  4. Okay, I'm probably not in the masses here, but by taking away her right to know the father they have taken away her rights just like earth. I'm totally about reading romances and I have to say the way this is getting off track and no hope for the near future with Clan Dusa I don't think I can continue to read. If she went with a different clan it would really go against everything I like to see in HEA. With 9 months on the ship, then the Clan Dusa being on earth the outcome situations for this series is not the HEA that I want to see. Thanks Tracy, Shalia 1 was great, Shalia 2 was good, good luck with Shalia 3.

  5. It sounds like some of the men of earth make babies but don't take care of there child or care that they made a child, just let another clan take care of the child. Agree with Kim .

  6. Kalquor takes care of there ppl. They wouldn't need child support since Kalquor supports all it's ppl especially matarras and children. Now, I'm way more crushed over the idea of Clan Dusa falling in love with someone else. I'm with Shalia. I'm not ready to move on, even more so when she may be carrying their baby. It may not matter to Kalquorians but that free love, 'the baby belongs to you and your future' thing is a concept that would be hard for any Earther to wrap their head around.

  7. Drs right! There will be a whole new life for her and her child on Kalquor.

  8. I guess is can see both sides of the coin and even though I like Clan Dusa, even Shalia was not sure she really belonged with them.

  9. Ok, we have a single mother who will upon finding a clan have them not only accept her child as there own. Who will love it, care, provide and protect them both with their very lives and we are upset because of no baby's daddy drama. Shalia needs to grow up. I think she should have the baby. There has to be a clan aboard on their way back that could make make her trip "more". Tracy still waiting for the ship to have a problem. I love this.

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  11. She's let clan Dusa interfer with every other relationship opertunity she has had so far. They told her it won't happen, she doubts it would work, yet she hangs on even when its over and done with. Tracy said long ago that it wouldn't be clan Dusa (I believe that is what I read anyway.) Obviously Nang isn't in the cards right now, with his clan against the idea and him seeming like a total ass. (I actually like Nang, he's been given a bad rep for this book.) It's time she moves on and grows up. If she continues to whine and moan over them, it will also drive readers away. I can't stand whining people in books who can't get things together. Time to move on Shalia.

  12. I agree her whining can be annoying. However, I'm not sure I could deal with not knowing who the father of my child is either. Her personality is to obsess over an issue until she is forced to deal with it. Not telling her is a way of allowing her to continue to obsess about Clan dusa.

    Also There is a place and Their is refers to something a person can possess. Their baby, their laws, their beliefs

  13. Discovered this blog yesterday, caught up on all of them now. They are FANTASTIC!!! Tracy, you are simply amazing =)
    The drama, the romance, the sex...phew, I just couldn't stop reading. Such realistic characters, and scenes in a strong sci-fi world... Wow.

    I can't wait to see what happens next. Monday, Hurry Up!!!

  14. Yeah nice to know that women are still treated as mere possessions, too stupid to think for themselves, nothing more than incubaters. these kalquorians are no better than the religious earthers

  15. I can't help but say, I have not forgotten either that Lindsey, sister to the Empress, chose a clan that was seen by many as unworthy, She went back to be with them on earth, Shalia may have been unsure, but she also under a great deal of pressure to go to Kalquor, for her mothers sake, if that had not been an issue, I whole heartedly believe she would have stayed. with Dusa's clan, even if only to see if they truly clicked, in any case she loves them, and love is not something that is so easily shut off or gotten over, As for Nang, sorry I believe, she is completely justified in wanting no part of him. What he had was not love it was obsession, he was a liar and manipulator. and obviously has a past given his own clans reaction to his attempts to keep Shalia with him, perhaps he has a pattern of dangerous obsession with humans one that caused he and his clan a great deal of trouble.
    I believe in any case. The choice of whom she clans lottery or not is Shalia's. She is already carrying a Kalquorian baby. I seriously doubt, she would be forced off Kalquor, if she chose no one from the lottery, especially if she came to be carrying a girl. It has been mentioned before the voyage is 9 months, just 2 months shy of the year that Clan Dusa must be together to seek a Matera, who knows what can happen in that time. They may be young but they may prove in that time to be very worthy of a Matera, And I do not think Shalia will just hop in the lottery the moment she gets to Kalquor, her priority will be her mother, and that might take a bit of time, I believe that she has every right to know the father too, she is human, and that should be a consideration, Kalquor's traditions should not be so strict on them, if the baby is from Weln or clan Dusa, it was conceived in love, and if Nangs It is still her choice, and if she decides she loves and wants to be with Dusa's clan she should be able to. Oh and them telling her being pregnant will make them desire her even more, as it shows she is fertile. WOW make her feel like a brood mare much. At least that is how it would make me feel. it should be because she is loved for her not just because she can pop out babies,

    I know this is long winded, It has been building since I found the blog at the end of the second book and spent the last day reading threw it all, so had a lot to touch on. Now I am biting my nails with the rest of you waiting for Monday.

  16. Ha Ha! Tracy is reader nip....get it? Like Candy called Shalia......anyway. Carry on. Love it,throw some more Nang in there. He was quite exciting........

  17. Hi there, I just wanted to say I love this diary, and can't wait for the next installment. I love all the books. I especially love the action and angst. Can't wait to read more. I love the hijinks. Indeed reader nip...haha yep.