Monday, December 2, 2013
December 20, early
I just had the most nerve-wracking conversation in my entire life. Dusa’s clan commed me to say hello and catch up on the latest. Ha! That wasn’t awkward, not one bit (yes, you can assume sarcasm here).
I honestly don’t remember most of the conversation. I sat there, looking at my three former sweeties, thinking about the baby inside me. I’m nodding my head at the appropriate moments, smiling like all is well in Shalia Land, laughing at their jokes, telling them about anything and everything but THAT. All the while I’m thinking, I’m pregnant and they don’t know. I’m pregnant and they don’t know. I’m pregnant and they don’t know.
I half-expected them to guess. Really, I did. I felt like I had the word blazing in capital letters over my face. P R E G N A N T. I waited for eyes to widen, for mouths to drop open, for someone to shout. But it never happened. They just talked on and on, telling me things that I responded to without really hearing.
At one point, I nearly told them. I thought I would explode if I didn’t say anything, if I let them just patter on with their conversation and then end the com with no idea. The words were on the tip of my tongue: Congratulations, guys. You’re going to be fathers. Surprise!
Only one thing kept me from doing it. The possibility that this child is the product of my ill-advised fling with Nang kept me from sharing this universe-shaking news. While there is doubt, I can’t tell Dusa, Esak, and Weln they have a child on the way. So I kept my mouth shut.
Sooner or later though, if I decide to go through with the pregnancy, it’s going to show. My favorite clan is going to know I’m expecting. They’ll know there is a strong possibility one of them knocked me up. It will have to be dealt with.
That’s why I’m going to find out one way or the other who the father is. It might help me decide whether to freeze the embryo or keep going with the pregnancy. It will allow me to say, this is Clan Dusa’s child. All the doubt will be gone, and I’ll have one less thing to wonder about. One last worry to keep me up at night.
So I’m off to Medical to get Dr. Tep to solve this mystery once and for all. I hope it’s good news. I really, really hope it’s good news.