Monday, August 19, 2013

November 11

I just can’t stop getting the opinions of others, especially since Nang has been leaving messages on my com, asking me to come see him.  He tells me stuff he wants to do to me, things that make me all squirmy inside.  He keeps reminding me he owes me punishment for climaxing without permission.  The way he talks about it makes me want to run straight over and offer myself for it.  Damn, I’m so screwy.

I went to sit with Mom today.  She’s really, really improving.  I almost think she’s good enough to stay with me again, if I wasn’t camped out with Weln.  I asked Dad if he thought I should get her and I a room assignment.

He shook his head.  “What’s the point?  By the time we’d be comfortable enough to release Matara Eve, you’ll be only days from getting on the transport to Kalquor.  She’s fine right here where we can administer her therapy and keep an eye on things.”

The way Dad said that made me instantly alert.  “Things?”

He gave me a gentle look.  “Your mother is elderly, my daughter.  It’s apparent she hasn’t taken good care of herself over the years, plus she’s had so many setbacks recently.  Once on Kalquor, they’ll be able to reverse a great many issues, but we have to get her there first.”

I swallowed.  “Are you saying she might die before she gets to your planet?”

Nayun hugged me close.  “If we believe she is in imminent danger, we will place her in stasis.  Cryo-freeze will allow us to get her to the treatment she ultimately needs to enjoy as much as another forty years of life.  I just want you to realize she is not in very good shape as far as longevity is concerned.”

“More good news,” I grumped.

“I know, sweetheart,” Dad said.  “So tell me how you are doing.  Still depressed?”

I had no intentions of discussing my crazy sex life with the man.  I mean, I know we’re not actually related but in my heart Nayun is my dad.  No way I wanted that conversation.

I was still anxious for his opinion.  I said, “I’m hanging in there.  Weln is really supportive.  We kind of lean on each other when things get sad.”


“I was wondering, though.  What is your opinion of Commander Nang?”

Dad blinked.  Then his face scrunched up and he groaned, “Oh Shalia.  No.  No, no, no, no.  Tell me you are not considering him in a romantic way.”

I got hot all over in embarrassment.  “Not romantically.  That bad, huh?”

He shook his head, looking as if what am I going to do with you, Shalia?  Then Dad slumped back against the wall behind him. 

He told me, “Look, if you’re just exploring your sexuality and getting comfortable with it, there’s nothing wrong with that.  In fact, I would encourage it.”

I made a face.  “Gross.  That is not the kind of thing an Earther dad tells his daughter.  We shouldn’t even be talking about it with each other.  It’s too weird.”

Dad grimaced.  “Do you think this is comfortable for me?  By the ancestors, Shalia, my first instinct is to beat the shit out of anyone who looks at you wrong.”

Aww.  That was kind of cute.

He went on.  “Look, Clan Nang is not a fit match for you.  His Imdiko and Nobek are homosexual.  When it comes to women, they are completely disinterested.”

“I know, I know.  I’m not interested in joining Nang’s clan.  Even if the other two liked women, there’s something about Nang that bothers me.  He’s – he’s kind of slimy.”

Dad’s lips twitched as if he wanted to laugh and was fighting not to.  After a moment, he said, “He’s a very good officer.  But yes, he has been known to be less than ... respectable.  He is not above achieving his goals using underhanded methods.”

I sensed good gossip there.  “Why?  What has he done?” I asked.

Dad shook his head and let a smile creep out.  “Nothing you need to know, my daughter.  Just be careful around him.”  His smile faded.  “By the ancestors, I never imagined being a father could be so difficult.”

“You could always disown me,” I pointed out.

He shook a warning finger at me.  “Don’t say such things.  I wouldn’t trade you for a hundred well-slept nights.”

Gosh, I love that guy.

Later, I talked to Candy about my dilemma.  She loves hearing from me about anything to do with sex.  She still hasn’t taken that step yet, as titillated by the idea as she is.  Lately, I feel like I’m fucking for the both of us.

“Ooh, Commander Nang,” she breathed.  “He is hot.  So masculine and strong.  Is he really going to punish you?”

“If I decide to have another encounter with him,” I said.  I was amused that she seemed to find the idea of Nang disciplining me so exciting.  I had thought she would tell me to run the other way.  But no, she was biting her lips and breathing fast at the idea.  It’s no wonder we get along so well.

“I think you should enjoy yourself while you can,” Candy said after actually being quiet for a few moments and thinking about it.  “We may not find anyone worth our time on the trip to Kalquor.  Weln says it’s okay and that Dusa and Esak will understand.  Dr. Nayun seems to think as long as you’re careful, you should be fine.  You like having sex with Nang.  So he’s something of a manipulative jerk.  As long as you keep that in mind, why not enjoy yourself?”

She has a point.  Other than vid communications, I’m not going to see Dusa and Esak again.  I really should move on, as much as I hate the idea.  Maybe Nang will be good to help me move past the loss and prepare for the future.  Or maybe I just want to get laid and want to find a good excuse to do so.

To thine own self be true.


  1. HA! Shalia and Candy's convo reminds me of our comments from the entry after she and Nang got it on ;)

  2. Sorry, I don't personally like slime with my sex...

  3. I don't care for Nang and I don't feel like he cares about Shalia all that much. If she can't be with Clan Dusa, then I would rather see her with a clan on Kalquor who will care for/about her than have anything more to do with Nang. She can get sex from Weln in the meantime and that's much better to read than the sex with Nang, imo.

  4. I don't like Nang either, I would bet that one of the slimy things he did was to get rid of Clan Dusa so she would be vulnerable. She needs to go with Weln to be with her clan before she leaves for Kalquor, or almost anywhere else. Just away from Nang. I don't trust him.

  5. that I am up-to-date, I have to say what an emotional roller coaster ride!! First I would like to say Ms. Tracy you are a true storyteller!! I have to remind myself that this story is pure fiction and not real. I am completely enthralled with you books and now with this blog. Now moving on with my thoughts....I'm all about exploring options but Nang, not so sure but I get it. Matt, he is a male politician who worked with other religion fanatics of Earth Gov, a snake in disguise if you ask me. As for Clan Dusa, I believe Ms. Tracy is setting up a maturity experience for them (as a clan). I believe when and if Shalia is to be their Matara their union will be more solidified. Moreover, I am waiting to see what happens next ;)

  6. Shalia is young and this maybe the only time in her life to explore all her options. Not ever sexual relationship has a HEA. I like Shalia's diary becomes it is more realistic. When you are dating, it has it's ups, downs and okays for right now.