Thursday, July 18, 2013
I am missing my anti-depressants. I don’t want to be a weak sister or a big baby, but I’m not sure how I’m supposed to get through this.
Nang was quite tense when I showed up at his office this morning. There have been no attacks or signs of the militant Earthers since the attack that hurt Esak so badly, but I could see the strain the commander was under. The Academy could get hit again at any time. I can understand why he wasn’t as happy to see me as usual. I felt bad for bothering him, but damn it, this was important to me.
“I won’t keep you,” I promised, trying to get as much on his good side as possible. “And I’m sorry to bug you over something I know doesn’t rank as essential to you. Nang, I really, really need Dusa and Esak to stay. Please, isn’t there anything you can do? Some other Dramok and Nobek you can send to Atlanta?”
He smiled gently at me and came close to stroke my hair. For once, he was simply comforting. “I’m sorry, Shalia. I know this must be hurting you. In all honesty, this is a good thing for them both. It’s a rise in rank. They’re being recognized for their exemplary work.”
I swallowed against the tightness in my throat. “You’re saying this is a promotion?”
Nang nodded. “Indeed. Dusa has brought in more survivors than anyone else at this site. Esak’s actions defending the Academy at a great cost to himself has earned recognition. Going to the larger effort in Atlanta will give them both opportunities to further themselves even more.”
Well, shit. Now I felt completely selfish wanting to keep Dusa and Esak here with me. I mean, I’m leaving soon anyway. We’re going to be separated no matter what. Does two or three weeks more matter?
My heart says yes. I want those few extra days with my boys, and I want them desperately. Yet this is also a big deal for them and their careers, apparently. I couldn’t stand in the way of that. I care about them too much.
So I’m going to have to put on my big girl panties and be strong, cool Shalia for Dusa’s clan. I’ll have Weln to keep me company. I have my Kalquorian dad. I have crazy chatterbox Candy, who is already becoming a strong shoulder to cry on after only a few days.
Tomorrow is the official clanning ceremony that makes Weln Clan Dusa’s Imdiko. I’m going to be all smiles and well wishes. Weln is quite excited even if he is unhappy over the temporary separation they’ll suffer when Dusa and Esak leave for Atlanta.
This afternoon I pulled him to the side and told him he didn’t have to stay behind on my behalf. “Go be with your clan,” I insisted.
Weln actually got mad at me. “Don’t be ridiculous, Shalia. It’s as important to me as it is to Dusa and Esak that I stay by your side until you’re safely off to Kalquor. Don’t say another word about me leaving you. I won’t hear it.”
“Well excuse me for caring about your happiness,” I retorted.
“I appreciate it, but I’m happy to be where I’m needed most.” He went back to being a sweetheart. “You’re so nice to be concerned. And I’m excited that Matara Eve will be able to attend!”
Mom got in a hover chair yesterday and today and did very well. She’s able to sit up on her own, though there will be an orderly with her at the ceremony tomorrow, ready to take her back to Medical at the first sign of fatigue. I don’t know how much she’ll understand about what’s going on, but it means a lot to the whole clan that she’s going to be there. It just drives home how good a bunch they are and how much I’m going to miss them.
Yep, I would just love some anti-depressants right now.