Thursday, May 23, 2013
I’m jotting just a quick note here before I go over to sit with Mom again today. I need to be with her, but at the same time, I dread looking at how she is. Does that make any sense? God, I’m feeling her mortality right now. I know we’re not eternal, but at the same time I feel like my mother should be. A universe without Eve Monroe? Not possible and yet all too real.
I had the worst time leaving her last night. It felt like I was abandoning her and the act of doing so would somehow determine whether or not she’d still be here in the morning. (I’ve already commed Dr. Dad, and he confirms Mom is doing as well as hoped.)
Dusa and Esak showed up in Mom’s room late last night after pulling double shifts. The poor boys were no doubt exhausted, but they spent at least half an hour learning of her prognosis and speaking to her, though we’re not sure just how much she’s aware of. Then they pushed me to come back to my dorm to get rest myself.
I couldn’t relax though. I was so tired, and yet my mind wouldn’t shut off. So my sweeties sat down to spend some time letting me decompress.
We talked. I told them that I’d have to take Mom to Kalquor as soon as the transport arrived. As I did so, I realized how hard it was going to be to leave Dusa and Esak behind. They have seen me through so much angst and trauma. They’ve been my strength when I’ve wanted to just curl up and quit. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to handle things without them. Even without the seemingly never-ending trouble, I simply enjoy being with the two men. Something inside me lights up when they’re around. It makes me wonder, am I in love with them after all? Is that the real reason I resist romping with Nang and why every time I’m in his arms I immediately compare him to Dusa?
I confess the conversation I had with Dusa and Esak has got me in a bit of a tailspin right now. After I told them Mom and I would be leaving soon, both looked at each other with unhappiness and resignation.
Dusa sighed. “It will be hard to let you go, Shalia. In all honesty, Esak and I want to clan you. We want to make you our Matara.”
Esak almost sounded angry. “We cannot, though. Even if we had Weln as our Imdiko right now, it would be an impossibility.”
I felt a little sick inside. I was really going to have to leave them behind, and I wasn’t liking it. All my protestations of not being ready to join a clan, though they are probably true, sounded vaguely ridiculous in the face of the inevitable. “I know someone has told me how this works before, but my brain isn’t processing so well right now. What exactly stands in the way of me joining your clan?”
Dusa traced the grooves on the table with a fingertip as if they contained the secrets that would unlock the answers to all our problems. “A clan must show they have the financial and emotional stability to give a Matara a worthy home. From the financial standpoint, that means they must possess not just the bare essentials of what the government provides, but funds that will assure her comfort. We don’t have that yet with our low rank.”
“What constitutes this emotional stability you spoke of?” I asked.
Dusa said, “The three male members must be established as a clan for at least a year together to even court a Matara. Females are too precious to be given to a clan that hasn’t learned to work well together. The stress of such a situation is not conducive to her well-being.”
“It’s never been done before?” I asked.
“One of our empresses in the past did join an incomplete clan,” Esak said. “But that’s royalty, and they can usually find a way to bend the rules.”
“Like the current Imperial Clan,” Dusa said. “They were supposed to clan a Kalquorian Matara, but they met Empress Jessica and wanted her instead. Then the woman they were supposed to clan went insane, so they got the woman they preferred.”
“But how did that other empress manage to get past the restrictions on partial clans?” I pressed.
Dusa shrugged. “It was a complicated case. To begin with, hers was to be an arranged clanning anyway. Most royal joinings are like that. Her entire parent clan, the Imperial Clan, was killed before all the Crown Princess’ clanmates were chosen. For the one that was arranged, she got the Royal Council to waive the restriction since the match was already set. After that, there was a rush to find suitable men to fill out the remainder of the clan so she would be kept as secure as possible.”
Esak added, “It was a special problem, one that affected the whole Empire. They agreed it was proper for her to have at least the one clanmate for her protection and care. Kalquor was desperate to get him into place.”
“For her protection and care? You sure are a paternal bunch,” I said without rancor.
Esak managed a smile. “Women are very important to us, for survival and happiness. Even our own women find us to be smothering at times, but we can’t help the instinct to protect your gender.”
Dusa reached over and took my hands. “It’s killing me to say what I am about to say. Though we’ve grown attached to you, I must put your needs ahead of our wants. Shalia, you must go to Kalquor and find a clan to take care of you and Matara Eve, one that will provide a good home and everything you deserve.”
Tears filled my eyes. He was so sweet and sincere. I saw how much he and Esak cared for me. I felt how much I cared for them. But is it real love? I just don’t know.
They took me to bed. They removed my clothes carefully, as if I’d suddenly become some fragile being that would shatter apart at the least rough touch. I pulled at their formsuits, uncovering them and kissing all that I found. Soft smooth skin over granite bodies soothed my lips. I bent to suckle one man’s livid cocks while my hand pleasured the other’s. Then I switched, giving them both the attention they deserved. Back and forth. I couldn’t get enough.
Dusa knelt on the bed in front of me and picked me up. While Esak held his Dramok’s smaller cock out of the way, Dusa pierced my vagina with the other. Then Dusa held the cheeks of my ass in each hand, supporting and spreading me open at the same time. He rose up on his knees, holding me in the air with my legs locked around his waist.
Esak pressed close from behind and I groaned as he filled my offered rear with his larger cock. I was between the two men, filled tight with them. Their movements were slow and careful. They kissed me and each other as they fucked me. It was the first time I’d seen them display romantic intimacy with each other, and I was not disgusted. They were beautiful men and seeing them like that only enhanced my pleasure. I could see the love they shared. There was nothing ugly about it.
Our passion grew as we moved our sex-slick bodies against each other. Our juices flowed with the friction, making soft, moist sounds as their cocks slipped in and out of my eager body. Dusa and Esak steadily grew stronger against me. Their breaths came louder and faster. Whispering moans punctuated soft gasps. I surged up and down between them, caught in the rising tide of our passion.
They quickened even more as need made its relentless demands on their young, virile bodies. Their groins slapped against me, growing forceful. I cried out often as pleasure drove searing spikes in me. The gentleness we’d started with had passed, and the men drove hard, making me accept that excruciating bliss that bore down on us all. There was an endless crescendo of growls and the nonstop thrusting of masculine steel into accepting flesh.
I think we climaxed at the same time. Dusa howled and Esak yelled as my body erupted with a burst of pure elation. I was out of it for a little while, knowing only the exploding white sun of orgasm that made me blind and deaf to anything else. I could have hid in its brightness forever, quitting this world with all its doubt and worry.
But of course that couldn’t happen. I returned to hear the gasps of the men and to discover that we’d collapsed on the bed in a tangle of bodies that no one wanted to untie. We fell asleep that way, not rising until Esak’s chronometer went off this morning to send him and Dusa off to work again, popping stim tabs to get their tired bodies moving.
Well, I’ve wasted enough time writing. I need to ge
Oh shit, I think I just heard an explosion. Good God, are they shooting percussion blasters? It sounds like we might be under attack again. I have to go to Mom.