Thursday, February 14, 2013
Good God, I have such a headache. It nearly killed me to go out this morning to put Mom on the shuttle for her daycare. Just that little bit of sunlight sent blades of glass through my skull. Wine and Shalia do not mix well.
Dusa and Esak did not message me yesterday. I guess they’ve given up. Now I really am alone.
Why am I even doing this to myself? The other Earthers have made it clear they want nothing to do with me. A priest named Father Lucas is the only person who will sit with Mom if I’m not present for meals. So far, he hasn’t said anything to upset her, and Weln has been paying very careful attention to that. But the P.T. are definitely keeping their distance, and Father Lucas stays away if I’m around.
It’s become apparent I will remain on the outside of Club Earther. So why shouldn’t I go ahead and do the things they all think I’m doing anyway? What’s the point of being the person they demand of me if I never receive absolution for my supposed sins?
I am tired of this. I might as well do what I want since I’ve been tried and convicted already. So I’m going to message Commander Nang and let him know I’ll do the presentation after all ... if he’ll even let me. I’ll spend the day working on that once more. Then after Mom is tucked away in bed and snoozing away tonight, I’m going to visit Dusa and Esak. Yes, I am well aware of what could possibly happen. No, I don’t give a fuck anymore. They make me feel good. No one else does.
But first, I’m going to call Dr. Dad Nayun and see if he can give me something for this splitting headache.