Monday, February 4, 2013
September 14, later
Let me start off by saying what an unmitigated asshole I think Dramok Nang is. If anyone needs to listen to a presentation on how to treat Earther women, it’s that guy. Too bad for all concerned that I’m not going to do it now.
I went to where he has his office, in the old Academy director’s office in the administration building. I was ushered right in though I’d given no forewarning of my visit. Seems I had some importance to the Kalquorian uppity-up, which made me think speaking to Nang would go okay.
He welcomed me in and shut the door so we could have a private word. I guess he doesn’t have to adhere to the same rules about a single Kalquorian being alone with an Earther woman. At the time, I was relieved. With what’s happened, the fewer people knowing when I speak to the aliens, the better.
I didn’t waste any time. “I have to back out of the presentation,” I announced baldly, not even bothering to sit in the chair he offered me.
Nang didn’t look surprised. “Is it because of what happened with your mother at midday meal?” he asked.
It was a little creepy that he already knew what had happened. It made me wonder if he was keeping tabs on me. Surely a bawling elder woman being picked on by three bitches wasn’t important enough to warrant the site commander’s personal attention. He’s got what, about five hundred men and nearly a thousand Earthers to worry about?
But what do I know? I have no idea how hands-on Kalquorian bigwigs are.
“I can’t put my mother at risk,” I told him. “She’s my priority, not relations between our people. I have to cut off contact as much as possible with Kalquorians for her sake.”
“I can protect you,” Nang told me, moving to stand close. “No one will harm you or your mother. I’ll assign guards to you both. You will be kept quite safe, Shalia.”
He wasn’t getting it. It wasn’t just physical danger I was worried about. “My mother is crying over this, Commander Nang. They had to sedate her because we couldn’t calm her down. I am not doing anything else to make her feel fear.” My voice trembled, and I thought of how Mom had rushed to me, so relieved to see me safe but terrified I wouldn’t remain that way.
We’ve had bad patches. There was even one horrific episode when Mom pulled a kitchen knife on me during a particularly ugly argument. But if anyone else ever threatened me and she found out about it, Mom had always been right there, ready to defend me. Had she known about Mike or the others who abused me, she would have cut their balls off and shoved them down my tormentors’ throats.
No one messes with Shalia Monroe except Eve Monroe. You fuck with me, you’re fucking with my mom and nobody fucks with my mom. I’ve always known how much she loves me despite the rages, and it’s what has enabled me to forgive the rest. It was why thinking of her terror on my behalf had me crying suddenly, right in front of Nang.
Yeah, she was hell on wheels before the dementia stole her away. And I miss her. I really, really miss her.
I put my hands over my face, sobbing like some weak sister. The next moment big strong arms gathered me, pulling me against a big strong chest. Nang stroked my hair and back, whispering softly in his own language.
I swear I don’t know how it ended up with us kissing. But that’s suddenly how I found myself, held in those huge, muscled arms with Nang’s mouth covering mine, his tongue stroking gently, sweetly. I clung to him, feeling somehow safe and protected even as he held me for his kiss.
It was different from being kissed by Dusa. Sure, my rescuer had been passionate, his embrace solid and powerful. But Nang kissed with such assurance. It wasn’t just that he knew what he was doing; there was also this sense that it was his right to do it. Something in me responded to that, some primitive unthinking creature that I’d gotten only a hint of when I was with Dusa.
My hands ran over the sculpted chest, down to Nang’s waist, around his back to trace all the fascinating hills and hollows that were there beneath that formsuit. One of his hands slid down to my ass, cupping it and drawing me up so that I could feel him hard and ready. The other hand slid to my front to caress a breast. I gasped not so much because he touched me like that, but because it felt so good.
I never liked being touched by Mike or his predecessors. Never. It made me feel small and hurt and dirty. But first Dusa and now Nang ... it was like dozens of fires were being lit inside my body. And all those little flames were working towards each other, trying to become an inferno.
The strangest part is that instead of feeling like filth at the clandestine fondling, Nang made me feel like I was being ... oh what’s the right word? Adored? Worshipped?
That’s it. Instead of being mere meat for his desires, it was like I was being venerated. As if touching me was touching paradise. Not that I think I’m a goddess or anything like that, but there was just this crazy feeling of reverence as Nang explored my body.
Between kisses, when he looked into my face, I saw a fierce devotion. It made no sense; after all, we’d only met once before. And there was also another expression, one I knew too well. Lust. Need. But when paired with the more reverent look, it didn’t disgust me. It just made me softer to his touch. Heaven help me, I liked it. I liked being looked at that way.
I didn’t protest when he laid me down on the desk. I shook when he pushed my shirt and bra up over my breasts, exposing them. Not with fear, but with a need I hadn’t experienced before. When Nang’s mouth closed on one, sucking the mound into his hot, wet mouth, I arched and cried out. An incredible rush of sensation barreled from there to my lower parts. His tongue stroked my nipple, the roughness of it sending a strange ache that was all pleasure rioting through my senses. Jesus, Mohammed, and Moses, if there really is a heaven it’s in Commander Nang’s mouth. Strike me down for my blasphemy, but it’s the truth.
He sucked and licked and nipped until I was writhing like a snake beneath him. Then he kissed his way over to the other breast and did the same. Watching his tongue swirl all around my areola, seeing his teeth catch the tip between them so he could whip his tongue over it made me crazy.
But even in my sex-maddened state, something bothered me. I didn’t want to heed those warnings. I just wanted Nang’s gorgeous, tormenting play to go on and on, washing me with those crazy feelings in my gut and sex. I wanted to forget the world outside, with its blown up cities, its murderous gangs, its judgmental people who made my mother cry...
That was it. That was what was wrong, why despite the stroking hands and devouring mouth I wasn’t quite in total enthrallment. I was doing the very thing that they all suspected me of. The thing that had put me and Mom on everyone’s shit list.
I shoved against Nang, pushing to get that wondrous body off mine. “Stop!” I said, my voice forceful without being loud, just in case someone outside the door might hear. “Nang, don’t!”
He stop his delicious assault on my breasts, his expression at once concerned. “What’s wrong, Shalia? Did I hurt you?”
“No. Please ... just get off me.”
It might have been the most difficult thing I’d ever said. My body ached for more, much more. My breasts were tingling, the nipples hard and pointing at Nang’s mouth, as if to entreat him to return to them.
I pushed again. “Please, Nang. I’m begging you to stop right now.”
He slowly rose, his expression utterly confounded. “But why? Am I not pleasing you?”
I almost dissolved into hysterical laughter. More like pleasing me too damned much, to the point that I’d forgotten the danger I was putting me and Mom in. Damn it, what is with me and these Kalquorians?
That thought made me think of Dusa. I wondered what he would think if he knew I’d been getting so up close and personal with another man. I swallowed the guilt that rose. It made no sense to feel shame. I mean, I'd only ever kissed Dusa. It's not like we were engaged or anything.
I sat up, pulling my bra and blouse back down and arranging everything so I didn’t look so disheveled or wanton. Meanwhile, Nang stood in front of me, his crotch swollen big enough to storm castle gates with. Seeing him like that made me feel bad for him but relieved for me. I don’t know that my body could have survived fucking something that size.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let that happen. I didn’t mean to make you feel like ... like that.” I gestured vaguely at his erection.
Nang tilted his head. “But you were enjoying it, weren’t you?”
I hung my head, ashamed. “Yes. I was.”
“Then why do you want to stop?”
I looked up at him. The big man had no clue whatsoever why I’d called a halt to our tempestuous romp. I couldn’t fault him that. I’d seen the reports of how his people thought touching women, right up to attempting to have sex with them, was a way to soothe fears. To make females feel safe and protected and cared for. I’d gotten that sense myself when Nang touched me.
It made me ache to pick up where we’d left off. But I couldn’t do that. No way. I felt empty inside.
“Nang, what we just did would have gotten me a lifelong prison sentence on old Earth. And the way our prisons operated, lifelong would have amounted to a few weeks. Many of my kind still think that way.”
His expression started to clear. Realization seeped into his face, along with a look of horror.
I wanted to make sure he understood why I wasn’t going to live up to the promises my body had been making just moments before. “I’m already accused of being immoral, and I’ve done nothing but agree to give a presentation to your staff. Can you imagine the censure I’d face if anyone had a clue as to what just happened here?”
Nang licked his lips. He nodded slowly. “I will not speak of it to anyone. No one will know. And I will get those guards like I said I would.”
I shook my head. “You can’t do that. Giving Mom and me protection, while appreciated, will only give other Earthers more evidence that I’m a traitor to them. You can’t guard me forever, and eventually I will have to live with these people.”
He looked at me, his brows drawing together. “If you go to Kalquor to join a clan, you will be among only likeminded Earthers.”
“That’s fine for my wellbeing, but what about my mother? She’s past childbearing age and of no worth to your empire, especially since there is no guarantee her dementia can be reversed.”
Nang shrugged. “Put her in an elder facility. I am sure there will be some on the colonies.”
My mouth dropped in shock. “What, just pack her away? Where I can’t keep an eye on her or see her?”
I’d been ready to put Mom in assisted living before Armageddon, but I had also made sure I’d be staying nearby. What Nang was so callously advocating was dropping her off and leaving her to her fate in the hands of others, others who could turn into completely uncaring assholes as soon as my back was turned.
The stupid shit was blathering on, completely clueless of how furious I’d become. “Of course you could visit her, as your clan’s responsibilities would allow. I’m sure they’d be glad to find time for you to spend a few days in her company once in a while.”
I spoke slowly, distinctly, making sure Nang wouldn’t misunderstand how far off course he’d gone. “Commander Nang. I am not abandoning my mother in any such way. I am all she has and I will not avoid my responsibility to her; the only real responsibility I have. As for you and your presentation and all the Kalquorian Empire, you can go fuck yourselves.”
With that I stormed out, ignoring his shocked, “Shalia!” I was half expecting him to come after me. Fortunately he let me go, sparing himself the agony of me yanking off his oversized cock and beating him with it.
I am done with the aliens. All of them. And while I will admit it makes me beyond sad to not see Dusa and Esak again, it’s for the best. Kalquor is not the place for me and Mom, except to get her the medical care she needs. After that and after I’ve sent all the would-be clans packing, I will wash my hands of them forever.