Thursday, October 23, 2014

March 31

So much for my bid for independence.  I guess I’m not as tough as I thought I could be.

I tried my best to sleep in my own bed.  I took a nice, long bath to relax beforehand.  When I climbed onto my sleeping mat, I left the lights up a little, just to keep me from imagining things in the dark.  I put on soothing music so I wouldn’t think every creak and rustle was Finiuld coming to get me.  I took the light sedative Dr. Feru had prescribed.  It was actually nice.  I curled up to sleep, feeling all warm and pleasant.

Yet every time I closed my eyes, I was back on the Ofetuchan ship.  The memories crowded in, leaving me in tears and my heart pounding in panic.  Even the steady pull of Feru’s sedative couldn’t entice me to let sleep take over.  The nightmares were there, waiting for me.

At last I had to admit I was not going to be able to sleep alone in my room.  For the second night in a row, I cried ‘uncle’. 

I thought about going to Betra again.  I knew he’d understand.  The thought of being warm and safe in his bed was a powerful temptation.  Yet I hesitated.  Pride and humiliation over my continued weakness warred with the compulsion to go to my liaison for help yet again. 

I’ll admit it:  I’m tired of men having to come to my rescue.  Damn it, I used to be strong.  I used to be able to take care of myself.  With a baby on the way, this is not the time to play the damsel in distress.

Yet I couldn’t face sleep and all its horrors.  Not alone.  With the sedative pulling on me and the natural need to sleep, I had to get some rest. 

So I compromised – a little.  Yes, I caved in and went in search of someone to help me stave off the nightmares.  But it wasn’t a man, at least.

Candy’s eyes were wide when she answered my summons at her door.  At first I thought it was only surprise at my late call.  I rushed to apologize.

“Sorry to bust in on you like this,” I said.  “Are you, um, entertaining anyone?”

“No.”  Candy grabbed my arm and hauled me into her quarters.  “Get in here.”

I blinked, not just because of the abrupt welcome.  Candy’s rooms always give me pause.  They’re set up like mine with the same basic furnishings, but she’s put her stamp on her private space.  Ruffled pillows, teddy bears, dolls, and lacey throws predominate against a background of pastel blues, pinks, and purples.  Candy is a girly-girl to the extreme, too precious by far.  I have often wondered how the uber-manly Kalquorians she brings in here react when they see her rooms.  I worry for her eventual clan’s home.

I got past my usual initial shock at being thrust into Candy’s Wild World of Ruffles.  She jabbered breathlessly right off the bat.

“You have to spend the night.  After what happened last night, I can’t sleep.  I’m scared out of my wits that whatever that thing was will come back.  Laugh at me if you want, but don’t leave me alone, okay Shalia?  I know you don’t believe in ghosts, but I know I was awake when I saw that – that – whatever it was!”

So that’s why she looked so panicked when she opened the door.  She probably thought I was the ship’s ghost or something, knocking on her door in the dead of sleeping hours.

I smiled as reassuringly as I could manage in my own rattled state.  “I’m not laughing, Candy.  Truth is, I can’t sleep either.  I was hoping you’d let me stay over.”

Realization dawned on my friend.  She put her terror aside to wrap me up in a hug.  “Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry.  It’s the nightmares again, isn’t it?  Of course you can stay with me any time you need to.”  She giggled self-consciously as she pulled back to look at me.  “Even when I’m not expecting the bogey man to jump out of my closet, you can stay.”

“Is that your latest sex game?” I joked weakly.  “I’m not sure I care to be a part of that.”

Candy burst out laughing.  Now that she knew she didn’t have to face her own terrors alone, she was back to her bubbly self.  “Don’t knock it until you try it!  Come on, you look exhausted.  Let’s get you to bed.”

“I took a sedative,” I said, letting her lead me to her sleeping room.  Hot pink and white eyelet fabric was its own nightmare, but I looked forward to getting some rest.  I wouldn’t be able to see it in the dark anyway.

As loving as an older sister, Candy tucked me in.  She made sure I had a cup of water on the stand next to the bed and made me promise to wake her up if I had any nightmares.  “Anything at all,” she insisted.  “Don’t be brave, Shalia, because God knows if I see that dark entity again, I will be screaming your ear off.”

I smiled as my eyes began to close, partly because of Candy’s dramatic ‘dark entity’ description, but mostly because in her presence, I wasn’t assaulted by visions of the hellish past.

I guess she was as comforted by my presence as I was by hers, because she didn’t wake me with screams.  While sleeping with Candy isn’t nearly as nice as sleeping with Betra, I don’t remember having any nightmares.  I woke up feeling pretty good this morning.  Even opening my eyes to the nauseatingly adorable teddy bear in a pink tutu that sat on the bedside stand didn’t bother me.

I was also able to look forward to the day ahead with a sense of motivation.  Days are easy.  It’s the nights that suck.

Monday, October 20, 2014

March 30, later

Just when I think I’ve done it all, I surprise myself.  Today was no exception.

I ate lunch and was heading back to my quarters with the intent of comming the Dads at long last.  Tep and Feru have kept them up to date on my health, but I know they want to talk to me in the worst way.  I think I’m finally over my abduction enough for that conversation.

Good intentions that got postponed.  They can thank Oses for that.

My wonderful protector was in the corridor outside my quarters when I got there.  The worried look on his face eased as soon as he saw me.  I have no idea why he would be worried with me being safe and sound on the ship, but he’s probably still feeling the effects of our captivity.  I’m just happy I mean so much to him.  He really is my rock.

“Hi, Oses,” I greeted him.  “What’s going on?”

“Just seeing how you did on your first night out of Medical,” he said.

I made a face.  “I was pathetic.  I ended up spending the night with Betra because I couldn’t face the nightmares.”

Oses smiled, a rare sight from him these days.  “You are not pathetic, my Ma – Shalia.  No one can fault you for having trouble sleeping after what you went through.”

“You went through it too,” I pretended to not notice his near slip of calling me his Matara.  “What I wouldn’t give to have your strength.”

“You give me far too much credit.”

I snorted.  “You haven’t been found cringing in any closets so far.”

A devilish light sprang up in the Nobek’s eyes.  “In a closet?  Hmm.”

I narrowed my eyes at him.  “What is going on in that crazy Kalquorian head?”

He grinned, a glimpse of the old pre-Finiuld Oses.  “Why don’t you come with me and find out?”

Ah, easily-led Shalia.  Especially when I know sex with this particular muscle mountain is on the menu.

“Shall we go in?” I asked, gesturing at the door to my quarters.

“I have somewhere else in mind.  Unfortunately we’ll have to be rather quick.  I don’t have much time from my duties, so if you’d rather not—”

I grabbed his hand.  “Shut up and lead on.  You’re wasting precious time we could be using to fuck.”

Oses chuckled.  He tugged me down the deserted hallway.  I was surprised when we stopped only a few feet away.

He muttered something in Kalquorian.  I thought I recognized the word ‘open’ at the end of whatever he was saying.  A door suddenly opened within the wall, opening into a small, empty room.  It was just big enough for the two of us to fit in.

“What is this?” I asked.

“Storage for maintenance and cleaning supplies.”  Oses looked up and down the still-empty corridor.  “Come on before someone sees us.”

I stared up at him.  “Are you telling me you want to get it on in the janitor’s closet?”

The Nobek pushed me into the tiny room.  He followed and jabbered in Kalquorian again.  The door closed and I heard the buzz of the lock.

“Hold on, Wild Thing,” I said as Oses turned to me with a supremely naughty grin.  “How many people can access this little hiding place of yours?”

“The cleaning and maintenance staff.  Security.  Probably Betra.”  He wiggled his eyebrows at me, a ludicrous expression for such a scary-looking man.  “Sometimes the danger of being caught adds to the thrill.”

I was ready to point out our amorous activities had been in plain view of others before, but I didn’t want to think about our stay on Finiuld’s ship.  I didn’t want to remind Oses of it either, not when he was looking– well, happy doesn’t quite fit the description of my best protector.  But he looked more Oses than he had since we were taken.

Besides, there was a kick of excitement at the thought of doing something clandestine.  Surely I wouldn’t get in trouble for banging the big guy in the janitor’s closet, but to get caught – it still had me buzzing with adventure.

Pretty tame adventure, but tame was about my speed these days.  Plus if it made Oses look and feel like his old self, I was game.

“We’d better make this quick,” I said, reaching under my skirt to send my panties slithering down to my ankles.  “You said you didn’t have much time.”

“I don’t,” he said, his eyes lighting with carnal delight.  He opened his crotch seam and two very stiff cocks jumped out, ready for action.  “But we still must be careful.  Doctor’s orders.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said as he lifted me up, simultaneously propping my back against the wall.  “I guess your spanking horse is out of bounds these days.”

“There are other modes of punishment.”  Oses’ grin had that scary-dangerous quality I remembered so well.  “Extremely enjoyable discipline for the giver, but rather unpleasant for the recipient, even though there is no chance for injury.”

I knew Oses well enough to be sure that if he said the punishment would be unpleasant, he wasn’t kidding around.  It still didn’t keep me from getting aroused as I wondered what he might have in mind.  When his larger prick bumped my pussy, I was already quite wet.

He supported me with one hand while adjusting himself with the other.  He held his secondary cock out of the way, not allowing it to enter me as he speared me with the primary. 

I sighed with a mixture of regret and delight.  Oses felt good within my female sheath, filling me up well, yet I felt an emptiness I was not used to.  “No time for prep, huh?

Not this time. It will still be good.”

He pressed steadily into me until our groins met.  I looked into Oses’ bright purple eyes.  “Later in the pregnancy we may have to give up back end fun altogether. At that point, maybe another woman on board can give you what you like, both with that and discipline games.  I’ll probably give birth before we reach Kalquor, but with several weeks of no sex afterward we might not be able to have the kind of fun we’ve enjoyed in the past.”

Oses considered.  “As much as I like more extreme pleasures, I far more like being with a woman who means something to me.  I have been your Nobek, Shalia.  As long as we are together on this ship and I am the one in charge of your protection, I cannot imagine fucking another woman.”

I gave him my most disapproving look.  “Do not tell me you’re in love.”

Oses chuckled.  “I have the same issues with Imdikos.  Since Betra is my chosen caregiver – even as badly as that has turned out for me – I cannot bear to sleep with another of his breed.”

I shook my head.  “You have shitty tastes when it comes to people to be monogamous – or semi-monogamous with, Oses.”

“No kidding.  I can still fuck all the Dramoks and other Nobeks I like, though.”

I shook my head at him.  “Kalquorians and their sexual shenanigans.  Well, as disappointing as I must be these days, I appreciate your sacrifice on my behalf.”

Oses snorted and gave my ass a light slap.  “There are ways of dominating that will not threaten the well-being of mother and unborn.  Trust me, I will still be very exacting when we have more time to explore those things.”

I was happy to hear him say that.  To express my delight with his assertion, I lowered my gaze to his armor-suited chest.  “Will you please fuck me, Master?”

“Yes, my pet.  Keep a good grip on my shoulders and lock your ankles around my waist.  Good girl.  Stay just like that while I fuck you.”

Oses slid in and out of me, moving quickly but carefully.  He kept one arm under my buttocks.  His free hand plucked at my nipples, sending delightful stings through my breasts and zinging down to my clit.  I might have weighed as much as a feather for all the effort it took him to keep me up against that wall.  I moved only a little up and down as he had me.

Within moments, I was moaning.  I had no idea how sound-proof our closet was, or if anyone in the corridor could hear me.  Most of me could not have cared less.  It felt good to be fucking Oses.  In semi-private.  Without desperation.

I had a moment where I thought I would cry in the middle of our lovemaking.  It was a mix of happy and sad.  On one hand, I felt the joy of being free once more, of not being a prisoner.  On the other, I couldn’t help but compare now to then.  In the back of my head, I was still on Finiuld’s ship.  A hint of the terror remained.

Perhaps Oses saw that in my eyes.  Or maybe he felt the same way himself.  Whatever the reason, he kissed my entire face murmuring, “Safe now, my Shalia.  You’re safe.”

Damn it, I wish I could let the past go once and for all.

Oses moved and shifted me until his prick hit just the right spot.  A cascade of shivering heat ran through me when he found it.  My legs clenched around his waist, drawing him in deep.  His groan answered my higher-pitched cry.

He rutted harder, shoving against that interior nest of nerves.  I got louder.  Tendrils of light squirmed all through my belly, snaking to gather in that one spot.  I ground against Oses to make his groin rub my clit.  More sensation.  Power and exaltation pulling together, coalescing, drawing nearer to explosion.  Oses crushed against me, snarling low in my ear.  I’m pretty sure that just like me, there were no longer any memories in his head to mar the moment.  All was crowded out by that straining for ultimate pleasure.

Orgasm started with a profound flexing sensation deep in my core.  Then a river of feeling raced from my crotch up to my skull, blazing a fierce path to set me screaming.  I was aware of my arms flinging wide, my hands clenched into fists and pounding the wall on either side of me.  Oses’ guttural roar added to the din of my shrieks.  The cacophony was nothing compared to the heaving riot inside my body however.  I felt gloriously shredded, beautifully torn to pieces.

It was an amazing escape.

Oses must have been late to his duties, because it took us several minutes to catch our breath.  Getting our clothing back into place within the cramped confines of the closet shouldn’t have been a big deal, but we were both clumsy in the aftermath.  There was a bunch of fumbling and bumping into one another. 

At last, we were ready to open the door and rejoin the ship.  When the door slid open, we were greeted with applause from three Kalquorians and half a dozen Earther women.  I could have died.

The Kalquorian men, all Nobeks, bowed deeply to the weapons commander. I guess they were letting him know they respected his abilities to get a woman to produce so much noise. With Oses smirking with pride and my face flaming, we went back to my quarters.  After getting me a protein drink and asking half a dozen times if I needed anything, that crazy Nobek went to work.  I decided it would be far less embarrassing to eat dinner in my rooms.

Now it is time to finally com a message to my dads.  I think I’ll do the same with their Matara Joelle, who they’ve kept apprised of my latest calamity.  She’s sent me a few messages of encouragement since I got back.   It’s apparent to me my parent clan did well in choosing a woman ... I guess they didn’t need my opinion after all.  I like what I’ve heard from her. 

But mostly, I need to let Nayun know I’m okay.  I realize Dr. Tep has kept him advised on everything, but I can well understand how he won’t sleep until he sees and hears from me in all my Shalia-ness.  As I contemplate my impending motherhood, I understand more and more how a parent feels for their child.  Though Nayun is an honorary dad rather than a biological one, I know he loves me.  Heaven help that man, but he does. 

I should have contacted him at least a week ago, except I was still enough of a wreck that seeing me might have done Dad more harm than good.  But I’m on my way to feeling more of my old self.  Damn it, if I’m frisky enough to fuck for an audience, then I can assume a little responsibility too.  I need to think of my family and friends.  I need to think about what’s coming and ready for my child’s birth.  It’s time to rejoin life.  I’ve gotten a second chance, so it’s also time to do things better than I’ve done before.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

March 30

I felt so much better this morning, just as I knew I would.  Sleeping snuggled up to Betra made all the difference.  I had no nightmares.  I woke once to go to the bathroom.  The moment I got back in bed and Betra’s arms went around me, making me warm and safe, I was asleep again.  It was wonderful.  Betra as a bedmate is an awesome thing.  I should sleep with him more often, and he might even be agreeable to it ... but I am determined to beat these nightmares first.  I will sleep in my own bed alone tonight, just to prove I can do it.

It’s nice to know I’m not the only one jumping at shadows these days.  Candy is now convinced her quarters are haunted.

She regaled us at breakfast this morning with the story of how she woke up last night, knowing right away something was wrong.  “I could feel it, like when you feel a thunderstorm on its way.  There was this tension in the air, and it built higher and higher with every passing second.”

Katrina was biting her lips together, no doubt amused by Candy’s melodrama.  I have to give her credit for not laughing.  It was a bit much.  It was all I could do to keep my own expression serious.

Candy didn’t pick up on our humor.  She was too busy with her campfire story to notice the looks passing between us.

I asked, “Did it feel like someone was watching you?”

Candy nodded, her curled hair bouncing about her shoulders.  “Oh, most definitely.  And there was this sort of hush, but not the usual quiet.  Like a presence was holding its breath so I wouldn’t know it was there.”

I didn’t know ghosts needed to breathe.  Katrina might have been thinking the same thing, because she decided staring at her plate of food was a good idea at that moment.  It was that or laugh out loud, I’m afraid.

“So I called out, ‘Is someone there?’  But there was still no sound.  I just knew someone was there though.  I could feel it.”

Katrina looked up to give Candy wide eyes.  She’d given up the pretense that she didn’t find the whole thing ridiculous.  “And then what?”

Candy still didn’t catch on.  “And then I saw something move.  Right in the far corner of my sleeping room, where the shadows were deepest.  I couldn’t make out a shape, but I saw this extra darkness there and it shifted just the tiniest bit.”

Katrina clapped her hands to her cheeks.  “Oh my goodness.  What did you do?”

“I jumped right up and yelled for the lights.  They came up right away ... and nothing was there.”  Candy’s tone went all dramatic at that last bit, like delivering the end of a urban legend in which the girl discovers her boyfriend’s bloody corpse.

“No!” Katrina exclaimed, looking more comically horrified than ever.

I couldn’t help it.  I had to laugh at Katrina’s antics.  Candy got pissed off in an instant.

“It’s not funny!  I’m completely serious,” she scowled.  She threw a crispy strip of braised ronka at Katrina.

“Oh stop it, Candy,” our elder friend said, catching the ronka and nibbling on the end.  “A ghost in your quarters?  You’re too old for things like that.”

“A lot you know,” Candy pouted.  “When I was a kid, I had a friend who lived in a place where stuff got moved around all the time.  Her mom was forever putting her keys down in one place and finding them somewhere else.  There are things out there we don’t understand,” she added in a spooky voice.

“Just because we don’t understand them doesn’t mean there isn’t a logical explanation.  Is this the first time something like this has happened in your quarters?”

“Yes, but these things can take time to crank up,” Candy asserted, like she was an expert on the subject.  “Maybe I did something that unknowingly invited a spirit in.”

“Oh for heaven’s sake,” Katrina said, shaking her head.  “Pure bunk.”

I thought it was best I keep my mouth shut on the subject, seeing as how I wasn’t big on the supernatural and Candy acted insulted by Katrina’s teasing.  Unfortunately, Candy turned to me and asked plaintively, “You believe I saw something last night, don’t you, Shalia?”

I did my best to be diplomatic about it.  “I’m sure you think you saw something.  Maybe you just dreamed the whole thing.  Are you sure you were awake?”

She scowled.  “Yes, I’m sure.  Laugh all you want, but something weird happened last night.  I don’t know how I’m supposed to sleep any more with something creepy invading my room.”

I thought about telling her sleeping with a Kalquorian man does wonders for getting rest.  However, that’s a bit more sharing than I care to do right now.  If being friends with Katrina and Candy has taught me anything, it’s that there is a such thing as oversharing.