Thursday, November 20, 2014

April 4, fucking early o’clock

What the fuck is going on???

Now I wish I’d taken the sedative Dr. Feru gave me.  But no, I had to be tough Shalia.  I was sure I’d beaten the stupid nightmares.  I showed them who was boss by not taking the drugs and sleeping all alone in my room despite invites from Candy, Betra, and Oses.  I even turned my lights almost all the way down. Damn right I did. I left the room as close to pitch black as it could be while still giving myself just enough light to find the bathroom if I needed it.  Now it’s the middle of the night and I’m wide awake, cowering in my bed.  There were no nightmares, but real life is doing a number on me now.

I think I saw the ghost.

I saw something, damn it.  It wasn’t a dream and it wasn’t a hallucination.  It was in my room and it was real. I have proof. I’m staring at the evidence.

I should com Betra.  He’s on call day and night.  But first I want to stop shaking.  I’m tired of being fragile Shalia.  I want to be my old tough pre-kidnapping self again.  And if I can’t be that Shalia, I want to at least fake it.  As soon as I stop shaking, I’ll com my liaison and show him that someone or something was in my quarters.  Something that can disappear into thin air.

I woke up about twenty minutes ago.  I had the idea that something had touched me, brushing against my face, though I felt nothing when I swam into consciousness.  My heart was hammering like it had the other night though, when the sedation had left me frozen solid in my bed.  At first I tried to console myself that I was having another weird medication-inspired trip.  It took a few seconds for me to remember I hadn’t taken anything.  I was trying to be old Shalia. I was trying to not be damaged anymore.

So I sat up, and that’s when I saw the dark shape again.  The huge black shadow that looked like some mighty beast was there. It was blacker than the other shadows, all hunched up as if it could make itself smaller that way, as if it could escape my stare.  Last time it had been near the doorway.  This time, it was in the corner closest to my bed.  All that stood between me and it was a bunch of shelves and the crap I had cluttered on them.

I couldn’t scream.  Hell, I couldn’t breathe for the next few seconds.  Every fiber of my being was yelling twenty different things at once:  Run!  Attack!  Call for help!  Confront it!

Meanwhile, that – thing simply stood as still as a statue, seemingly every bit as frozen as I was.
When I could breathe again, my voice was an awful whispery thing, as terrified as a small child’s.  “Who’s there?” I quavered.

No answer.  It didn’t move.

I remember being a child afraid of the dark.  Like most children, I would pull the covers over my head because nothing says Monster Protection like a market-ordered bedspread.  I’m not a child anymore, but the urge to hide under the covers was almost overpowering.

Being afraid in my own room had the bizarre effect of pissing me off.  I was supposed to be safe here, so long as the transport wasn’t under attack.  I was free of Finiuld’s ship, where there had been nothing but fear.  I was home. Nothing had the right to make me terrified, not in this space that I had claimed until I made it to Kalquor.

The spike of anger gave me the moment’s courage I needed to shout, “Lights up full!”

In the bare second it took for the panels in the wall to respond with illumination, the dark shape moved. It knocked against my shelves, sending a couple of hair clips, a lipstick, and my half-drunk cup of water crashing to the floor.  I saw a hint of a blurred form streaking towards the door that led to my sitting room before the lights came up well enough to see by.  Then it disappeared, a smear of black nearly seven feet high.

I saw it.  I know I saw it.  But I don’t know what it was.

My brief burst of bravery disappeared with that dark entity.  I’ve been sitting in my bed for the last few minutes, listening over my own gasping breath for any sounds in the sitting room.  I’ve heard nothing but me breathe and the soft rustling of me moving against my bedding.  I finally grabbed my handheld to write all this down in case something happens.  In case something comes for me from out of that other room.

I am trying to convince myself to be strong and that there is nothing to be afraid of.  Yes, I know I saw something strange...maybe even otherworldly.  Candy and others have seen it too though, and no one has been hurt.  It’s just freaky.  Freaky is not dangerous. That is why I haven’t commed Betra yet.  First I’m going to stop shaking.  Then I will tell him to come see me.  When I know he is on his way, I will get up out of this bed, and I will check the other room to see if my visitor is still around.  I will face this head on.  If what I saw is a ghost, it may be looking for help – someone to help it find peace.  There is nothing to be scared of.  Once I know I can com Betra and ask him to come without sounding like a hysterical child, I will prove that to myself.

It’s hard to be calm though, when I’m staring at the hair clips, lipstick, and water spilled all over the floor.  It’s hard to be brave when I have proof that something came in here, something that can appear and disappear at will.  Damn it, what if the ghost isn’t just some poor lost soul?  What if it is that murdered soldier Candy told me about, looking for vengeance on the living?  How the hell do I fight off something like that?

Monday, November 17, 2014

April 3, later

Oses dropped by my quarters in the middle of the day today.  I was as glad to see him as if it had been a week since we last got together.  He showed up at my door and I greeted him with an enthusiastic smooch.  You’d never know we got frisky just last night.

Sleeping eight hours straight with no nightmares does wonders for a girl.  I’m upbeat and enthusiastic today.  I’ve asked Candy and Katrina go through ship’s stores with me tomorrow to look for baby things.  Betra made an inquiry on my behalf to the acquisitions officer, and he confirmed there are some infant clothes and paraphernalia on board.  I’m excited to see what I can get my little one.

But I was talking about Oses stopping by, wasn’t I?  I wasn’t the only one who looked like last night did bountiful good.  I hadn’t realized my Nobek sweetheart had been sporting deep circles under his eyes, or how strained his overall look had become until I saw him looking so much better this afternoon.  I think he’s lost some weight too.  At any rate, he looked more at ease and healthier than I’ve seen him in too long.

Note to self:  have Betra check on Oses to make sure he’s doing okay.  I know those Nobeks don’t like to admit to weakness, but even Big, Bad, and Beastly needs someone to talk to.  I think he needs to vent to another man, one who cares about him.  Betra has known Oses far longer than I have. As a fellow crewmember in a sometimes hostile situation, he’s got to have insight I don’t. 

Oses seemed particularly happy to get a kiss.  I felt his happiness poking me in the stomach as I clung, my arms slung around his neck.  He hadn’t quite made it into my quarters; the door was still open and anyone who wandered the corridor could see us.  I didn’t care.

Neither did Oses.  He returned my kiss with interest and chuckled when we broke apart.  “I’m glad to see you too, pet,” he told me.  “You make me wish I wasn’t on duty.”

“So what brings you wandering past Shalia Land?” I asked, tugging him into my sitting room.  The door shut behind him, and we were alone.  I was a little disappointed I wouldn’t be able to crawl all over him.  My hormones seemed to be cooking once again.

“I’m doing a security tour of the ship.  I had a message for you, so I thought I would deliver it in person rather than on the com.”

I sighed and ran my fingers over his chest to let him know where my thoughts were.  Okay, my thoughts were aimed at a part south of Oses’ chest, but I didn’t want to tease him too much.  It wouldn’t be nice to send the brute back to work with a boner.

Oses grinned, a real big lusty smile just for me.  He looked so much like pre-Finiuld Oses in that moment.  I can’t begin to say how happy it made me to see him like that.

I said, “So what did you want to tell me?  Get it out and then you get out, because you are entirely too delicious to have my hands on and not be allowed to enjoy.”

He snickered, amused by my antics.  “I need you need to go see Dr. Feru today.”

That cooled my jets a bit.  “What for?  Don’t tell me you think I’m loopy again, because I’m doing better than—”

Oses put a finger over my mouth to silence me.  “I think you’re doing perfectly fine.  I want you to re-take your psychological exam so I can clear you to resume blaster training.”

“Oh.”  That made sense.  I was delighted to hear Oses thought I was ready to get back into the swing of things.  “That would be great!  Katrina has completed her training, and Candy is pretty sure she’ll ace her final test in a few days.  I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

“Yes, you do.  Dr. Feru expects you in his office in one hour.”

“Okay.” I eyed Oses speculatively.  “I wonder how I could pass the time until then?”

The Nobek gave me a bland look, though his eyes gleamed with amusement.  “I suggest you make it a solo activity.  I have to get back to work.”

I blew a raspberry at him.  He swatted my ass and gave me a kiss before taking that fine body away. 

I took the test and passed it with flying colors.  I also complained about the sedative Dr. Feru had given me.

“Hallucinations?” he said with a frown.  “I’ve never known it to cause that kind of side effect in Earthers or Kalquorians.  It inhibits the part of the brain that dreams, so it shouldn’t allow anything like that.”

“Okay, so I woke up and something big, dark, and scary was in my room with me.  Something that disappeared into the shadows.”  I rolled my eyes at him.  “Some people are seeing ghosts on the ship.  Maybe your honored dead are paying me visits.”

Dr. Feru stared at me, no doubt thinking I was making fun of him.  After a moment he shook his head and gave me a different sedative to try.  He said he’d forward his clearance for me to resume blaster training, though I could tell he was second-guessing the test results.

Doctors.  Why do they think they have all the answers when we patients have the proof? 

Thursday, November 13, 2014

April 3, early

Oses is looking more and more like his old self.  And acting that way too.  I was glad to find him like that, because it helps me remember who I was before.  It’s good to play at being normal even if I don’t feel that way anymore.

I went to his quarters for the first time since getting back.  When I reached the door, it opened automatically for me without my announcing myself.

Oses sat on the edge of his bed, looking as if he’d been waiting.  He smiled as I jumped with surprise to have the door slide open without any prompting.

“Come in, pet,” he invited.  “I’ve inputted clearance for you to enter my quarters any time you wish.”

“That’s nice,” I said, wondering what it meant.  I came in and the door shut behind me.  “Are you sure you feel safe giving me carte blanche to invade whenever I like?” I joked.

He gave me a smile that was strained.  All of Oses’ smiles look like that these days, as if it takes real effort to be glad of anything.  I can well understand that.

“You’ve seen me at my worst,” the Nobek said.  “You’ve seen me weak and helpless, needing your strength when my own disappeared.  What is there left to guard from you?”

“You were never weak,” I told him.  “When I needed you, you were there.  If I managed to repay you in any way for that, I still owe you everything.”

I don’t know if any of my reassurances penetrated past my lover’s trauma.  He commented on it no further.

Instead he asked, “Would you care to spend the night with me?  I have missed sleeping with you.”

I was more relieved than I wanted to admit.  The nap I took earlier in the day had been fraught with horrible images.  I had woken sobbing in terror.

In answer, I immediately stripped off my dress, shoes, and underthings.  I went to my knees and assumed the position Oses had expected of me when we played:  legs wide apart to display my pussy and my hands laced behind my head with arms flung wide to lift and display my breasts.  My eyes were downcast, staring at his boots.

“Beautiful, pet,” he sighed.  “Come to me.”

I crawled the scant three feet that separated us and resumed my submissive posture between his feet.  He opened the crotch seam of his formsuit, spilling his hardening cocks out.  I inhaled appreciatively of his spicy, cinnamon-like scent.

“Suck,” Oses said.

He hadn’t said which cock I should pleasure first, so I went for the smaller one.  He hadn’t gone completely erect, and when I tilted my head to one side to avoid his larger prick stabbing me in the eye, I was able to take the entirety of it without choking.  My head bobbed up and down over his lap as I enthusiastically enjoyed my lover and master’s flavor.

The flesh was smooth and tender where veins didn’t bulge against the skin.  Oses lubricated freely, that sweet-spicy flavor of his exuding from his pores to make his cock slick. As I fellated, I twined my tongue all about that delicious stave, licking him clean and swallowing all he offered.  His pulse thrummed hard, and he immediately produced more wetness for me to enjoy.

His cock grew hard and long in reaction to my pleasuring.  It was a hot brand in my mouth, now brushing the back of my throat.  I coughed a little and paused to say, “I’m sorry, Master.”  Gagging a girl on cock was more Betra’s thing.

“That’s fine, pet.  Continue to suck me.  That’s my good girl.”

I spent a good long while on the smaller cock, taking my time to enjoy him thoroughly.  It was good to be with him like this, not worrying about our fellow captives watching, not worrying about Finiuld showing up out of nowhere to bring us pain and despair.  I wanted to take my time with Oses.  I wanted to immerse myself fully in Oses.  He might have felt he’d failed me, but the opposite was true: he saved me.  Over and over, he saved me.

I tried to pour all my feelings into that as I finally moved to his larger prick.  I was delighted to find him swollen bigger than I remember him ever getting with me.  A sweet drop of pre-cum awaiting my attention, and I claimed it.  I rolled my eyes up to watch him watch me enjoy his flavor.

Oses’ eyes were dark, the deep purple of his irises all but hidden behind his dilated catlike pupils.  His wet lips parted, allowing me to see that his fangs had unhinged.  The thin, pointed tips peeked out at me from behind front square teeth.  His chest rose and fell quickly.  He looked like barely contained energy and even trembled slightly, as if forcing himself to be still for my attentions.  I had the notion he thought about grabbing me about my head, the better to shove his cock quick and hard into my mouth.

He didn’t, but the thought of the restrained violence made my pussy slick as I mouthed his primary cock.  Knowing Oses had the ability to take me any way he wanted was more than enough to excite me.  I was so vulnerable to the man, so helpless against his brute strength.  Somehow that knowledge, coupled with the realization he would not use it to harm me in any way, had me as excited as if he’d stroked my clit.  That odd mixture of danger and security made me want him more than ever.

By the time Oses slid his hands beneath my armpits to lift me to my feet, the insides of my thighs were slick.  He moved me onto his sleeping mat so that I lay on my back.

“No talking,” the Nobek told me as he positioned himself so that his mouth hovered just over my pussy.  “All I want to hear are your moans as you come for me.”

He levered my legs so that they draped over his huge shoulders.  Then he enveloped my cunt’s lips in a thorough lover’s kiss that got him those moans right away.

I’d tried to be the best oral sex giver in the cosmos minutes before, but Oses had me beat by a mile. His wicked tongue found every nook and cranny of my pussy. Not one iota of my trembling lips was missed as he licked, mouthed, nibbled, sucked ... oh you name it, he did it.  By turns he was tender then demanding.  One moment I sighed to receive the gentlest kiss on my clit, the next I yelled when his tongue stabbed in and out of my core, fucking me hard.

Oses hadn’t told me to stay still or keep my hands to myself, so I didn’t.  That Nobek got his long hair pulled, his neck and shoulders scratched, and his back kicked.  He never let up for a moment or even seemed to notice my wild jerks.  He also didn’t lose an instant of what he was doing to me, hanging on like a stubborn tick while I writhed beneath him.

I was arcing up towards orgasm at a steady pace, probably only a few minutes away from it, when Oses shoved two thick fingers in my pussy.  At the same time, he sucked my clit deep into his mouth, his tongue lashing it unmercifully all the while.  I went from future climax to right-the-fuck-now climax.  Within seconds of him hammering my cunt and rubbing my clit, I was screaming my head off.  Ecstasy slammed into my groin, engulfing me in strong throbs of wondrous release.  Pleasure rose and fell, rose and fell, first like a thunderous tide and then tapered to slower, gentler washes that lapped delicately through my body.

I sighed happy and sated as Oses’ fingers slipped from my sheath. He chuckled to see me so relaxed and loose-limbed on his bed.  “Was it a good one, pet?”

“The best,” I answered.  I relaxed into compliance as he teased my anus open with slick fingers.  I thought Oses was ready to claim his turn as soon as I was stretched properly.

I thought wrong.

With one finger working to ease me open, Oses went back down to eat pussy.  And when I say eat, I mean freakin’ gobble.  That man fucking feasted on my crotch like no one ever had before.  His tongue and mouth ... oh.  I don’t even know how to describe what he was doing.  At the same time, he seized my clit between fingers and thumb and rubbed me straight to glory.  I hadn’t even caught my breath from the last climax before the next one roared through me.

Oses continued to work at me with a will.  No sooner would one upheaval end then another arrived to take its place.  I was dimly aware that the one finger in my ass became two, then three.  Maybe he stuffed in more; I couldn’t have said.  Not with that brutal mouth sucking and slurping, not with that tongue fucking me, not with the other hand stroking my poor swollen clit.  I yanked some of Oses’ hair out.  I know I did, because I later found the long strands stuck between my fingers.  It didn’t stop him, just like my crazed bucking and shrieks didn’t stop him.  I don’t think he noticed.

Oses finally lifted his face from my crotch, his lips smeared with my honey.  Licking them clean, he got up off the mat and went to the wall to open a drawer.  All I could do was lay gasping on the bed.  I had no strength to move.  My twat ached; whether from the frenzied cunnilingus or devastating orgasms, I couldn’t tell.  I was demolished.

Oses turned to me, pulling a long wand-like device from the drawer.  At the end of its length was what looked like a fuzzy white tennis ball.  Staring at me, he pushed a button on the wand.  The tennis ball hummed to life, vibrating hard.  The Nobek took a step towards me.

I found a burst of energy. In an instant, I scrambled across the mat, rushing for the door and not caring that I was as naked as the day I was born.  In a panic to avoid being made to climax any more, I moved fast.

Oses moved faster.

I was halfway off the bed when his hand closed around my ankle.  He didn’t yank me or pull hard or do anything dangerous to my person.  Instead, he dragged me inexorably back up onto the mat, slow and steady, his eyes bright with excitement.

“You don’t run from a Nobek, Shalia,” he said in the growliest voice I’d ever heard from him.  “Now I really want to make you scream.”

But I couldn’t help but fight to escape.  Damn it, my lady bits throbbed from what Oses had already done to me.  A vibrator was going to make it worse.

Oses waited to let me have it only long enough to get me safely back on the mat, where thrashing around wouldn’t see me hurt.  He was vicious, but caring in his brutal way.  Does that make any sense?  I’m sure it doesn’t.

At any rate, I was still on my hands and one knee, still trying to pull myself free from that hand on my ankle, when he got me close enough to use the wand.  All of the sudden, deep vibrations nestled against my clit, shocking it into brutal awareness once more.  I screamed as my pussy seemed to draw itself up to that awful, wonderful thrumming.  My cunt was like a moth to a flame with that thing; the vibrator meant utter destruction but Pussy had to have it.

I came in a heaving mass of anguished nirvana. My elbows unhinged, spilling me face-first into the bed linens, which muffled my screams.  All strength bled out of me as every ounce of energy condensed in my guts to expel monstrous orgasms.

I’d come hard enough to go blank before in the past.  This time a black hole swallowed me, a black hole filled with jagged-glass sensation that was as much pain as pleasure.

I came back as Oses rolled me onto my back.  The vibrator was gone, thank the prophets, but that hungry Nobek was there, his cocks twin battering rams as he crouched over me.

“No,” I moaned.  “No.”

He paused.  His pupils were huge, swallowing up the purple irises.  His lips were parted open, showing that his fangs were down.  Veins stood out on those monstrous muscles of his.  Oses looked more animal than man.  Yet he stopped and watched me carefully.

“If you truly can’t take it, say sholt.”

His cocks were livid and purple with need.  That Nobek showed every sign that he was ready to explode.  And yet he somehow made sure I remembered I could stop him.  Somewhere in there, Oses maintained a thread of sanity, enough to put me and what I needed first.

I’d been his Matara on Finiuld’s ship, his to protect, to die and kill for.  I realized then that maybe it hadn’t ended with our rescue after all ... for either of us.

Damn it, I’m not a great person, but I take care of mine too.  My pussy could have been on the verge of falling off of me, but I wouldn’t deny Oses what he so clearly needed.  I opened my arms to him.

“Your pet wants her master,” I said.

Even then, Oses hesitated.  “You are sure?”

“Yes, Master.”

That was all he needed to hear.  Trembling from head to toe with restrained arousal, Oses entered me with care more suited to an Imdiko.  I appreciated the tenderness, given how swollen and sensitive I’d become.  I murmured sweet words as he slid in and out of me, stroking his working face with my fingertips, running my hands over his massive, scarred chest, playing with his dark brown nipples to make him shout.  He came hard minutes later, screaming every bit as much as he’d made me scream.

I healed a little bit from our encounter, I think.  I’d been reminded throughout our romp of what had happened in the Ofetuchan ship.  Yet it hadn’t shattered me or ruined any of the sex.  Instead, it reminded me of the tiny bright points of our captivity.  In Oses, I had a man who put me and my child above his own safety.  I belonged to someone who would lay down his life for me.  Even if he couldn’t keep my body safe, Oses could keep pieces of my heart and soul intact.

So I guess I fell in love despite all my best attempts to not do so.  Yet it’s a weird kind of love because I know I will let Oses go.  He has no clan.  His is a dangerous world out here in space, a world that suits him too perfectly to ask him to give it up.  It’s a world I don’t dare ask my child to share in.  Oses and I cannot be together beyond this trip, and I know that. 

Somehow, it’s okay.  The kind of bond we share is made of a damaging time anyway.  I can’t imagine us in a nice little house with the white picket fence and a dog, not after the horror of Little Creep.  I think I can love this beast of a Nobek without feeling so much of the ripped-apart angst I experience when I lost Clan Dusa.  I can love him, and I can leave.  I’ll feel the loss when the time comes, but I think I’ll feel more the gratitude and deep, abiding joy that I shared this small moment in time with Oses.

These thoughts drifted through my head as we showered together, had dinner, and then crawled back into Oses’ bed to get some rest.  I’d wanted to sleep good for a change.  I damned sure got my wish last night.  I had no nightmares.