Monday, October 20, 2014

March 30, later

Just when I think I’ve done it all, I surprise myself.  Today was no exception.

I ate lunch and was heading back to my quarters with the intent of comming the Dads at long last.  Tep and Feru have kept them up to date on my health, but I know they want to talk to me in the worst way.  I think I’m finally over my abduction enough for that conversation.

Good intentions that got postponed.  They can thank Oses for that.

My wonderful protector was in the corridor outside my quarters when I got there.  The worried look on his face eased as soon as he saw me.  I have no idea why he would be worried with me being safe and sound on the ship, but he’s probably still feeling the effects of our captivity.  I’m just happy I mean so much to him.  He really is my rock.

“Hi, Oses,” I greeted him.  “What’s going on?”

“Just seeing how you did on your first night out of Medical,” he said.

I made a face.  “I was pathetic.  I ended up spending the night with Betra because I couldn’t face the nightmares.”

Oses smiled, a rare sight from him these days.  “You are not pathetic, my Ma – Shalia.  No one can fault you for having trouble sleeping after what you went through.”

“You went through it too,” I pretended to not notice his near slip of calling me his Matara.  “What I wouldn’t give to have your strength.”

“You give me far too much credit.”

I snorted.  “You haven’t been found cringing in any closets so far.”

A devilish light sprang up in the Nobek’s eyes.  “In a closet?  Hmm.”

I narrowed my eyes at him.  “What is going on in that crazy Kalquorian head?”

He grinned, a glimpse of the old pre-Finiuld Oses.  “Why don’t you come with me and find out?”

Ah, easily-led Shalia.  Especially when I know sex with this particular muscle mountain is on the menu.

“Shall we go in?” I asked, gesturing at the door to my quarters.

“I have somewhere else in mind.  Unfortunately we’ll have to be rather quick.  I don’t have much time from my duties, so if you’d rather not—”

I grabbed his hand.  “Shut up and lead on.  You’re wasting precious time we could be using to fuck.”

Oses chuckled.  He tugged me down the deserted hallway.  I was surprised when we stopped only a few feet away.

He muttered something in Kalquorian.  I thought I recognized the word ‘open’ at the end of whatever he was saying.  A door suddenly opened within the wall, opening into a small, empty room.  It was just big enough for the two of us to fit in.

“What is this?” I asked.

“Storage for maintenance and cleaning supplies.”  Oses looked up and down the still-empty corridor.  “Come on before someone sees us.”

I stared up at him.  “Are you telling me you want to get it on in the janitor’s closet?”

The Nobek pushed me into the tiny room.  He followed and jabbered in Kalquorian again.  The door closed and I heard the buzz of the lock.

“Hold on, Wild Thing,” I said as Oses turned to me with a supremely naughty grin.  “How many people can access this little hiding place of yours?”

“The cleaning and maintenance staff.  Security.  Probably Betra.”  He wiggled his eyebrows at me, a ludicrous expression for such a scary-looking man.  “Sometimes the danger of being caught adds to the thrill.”

I was ready to point out our amorous activities had been in plain view of others before, but I didn’t want to think about our stay on Finiuld’s ship.  I didn’t want to remind Oses of it either, not when he was looking– well, happy doesn’t quite fit the description of my best protector.  But he looked more Oses than he had since we were taken.

Besides, there was a kick of excitement at the thought of doing something clandestine.  Surely I wouldn’t get in trouble for banging the big guy in the janitor’s closet, but to get caught – it still had me buzzing with adventure.

Pretty tame adventure, but tame was about my speed these days.  Plus if it made Oses look and feel like his old self, I was game.

“We’d better make this quick,” I said, reaching under my skirt to send my panties slithering down to my ankles.  “You said you didn’t have much time.”

“I don’t,” he said, his eyes lighting with carnal delight.  He opened his crotch seam and two very stiff cocks jumped out, ready for action.  “But we still must be careful.  Doctor’s orders.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said as he lifted me up, simultaneously propping my back against the wall.  “I guess your spanking horse is out of bounds these days.”

“There are other modes of punishment.”  Oses’ grin had that scary-dangerous quality I remembered so well.  “Extremely enjoyable discipline for the giver, but rather unpleasant for the recipient, even though there is no chance for injury.”

I knew Oses well enough to be sure that if he said the punishment would be unpleasant, he wasn’t kidding around.  It still didn’t keep me from getting aroused as I wondered what he might have in mind.  When his larger prick bumped my pussy, I was already quite wet.

He supported me with one hand while adjusting himself with the other.  He held his secondary cock out of the way, not allowing it to enter me as he speared me with the primary. 

I sighed with a mixture of regret and delight.  Oses felt good within my female sheath, filling me up well, yet I felt an emptiness I was not used to.  “No time for prep, huh?

Not this time. It will still be good.”

He pressed steadily into me until our groins met.  I looked into Oses’ bright purple eyes.  “Later in the pregnancy we may have to give up back end fun altogether. At that point, maybe another woman on board can give you what you like, both with that and discipline games.  I’ll probably give birth before we reach Kalquor, but with several weeks of no sex afterward we might not be able to have the kind of fun we’ve enjoyed in the past.”

Oses considered.  “As much as I like more extreme pleasures, I far more like being with a woman who means something to me.  I have been your Nobek, Shalia.  As long as we are together on this ship and I am the one in charge of your protection, I cannot imagine fucking another woman.”

I gave him my most disapproving look.  “Do not tell me you’re in love.”

Oses chuckled.  “I have the same issues with Imdikos.  Since Betra is my chosen caregiver – even as badly as that has turned out for me – I cannot bear to sleep with another of his breed.”

I shook my head.  “You have shitty tastes when it comes to people to be monogamous – or semi-monogamous with, Oses.”

“No kidding.  I can still fuck all the Dramoks and other Nobeks I like, though.”

I shook my head at him.  “Kalquorians and their sexual shenanigans.  Well, as disappointing as I must be these days, I appreciate your sacrifice on my behalf.”

Oses snorted and gave my ass a light slap.  “There are ways of dominating that will not threaten the well-being of mother and unborn.  Trust me, I will still be very exacting when we have more time to explore those things.”

I was happy to hear him say that.  To express my delight with his assertion, I lowered my gaze to his armor-suited chest.  “Will you please fuck me, Master?”

“Yes, my pet.  Keep a good grip on my shoulders and lock your ankles around my waist.  Good girl.  Stay just like that while I fuck you.”

Oses slid in and out of me, moving quickly but carefully.  He kept one arm under my buttocks.  His free hand plucked at my nipples, sending delightful stings through my breasts and zinging down to my clit.  I might have weighed as much as a feather for all the effort it took him to keep me up against that wall.  I moved only a little up and down as he had me.

Within moments, I was moaning.  I had no idea how sound-proof our closet was, or if anyone in the corridor could hear me.  Most of me could not have cared less.  It felt good to be fucking Oses.  In semi-private.  Without desperation.

I had a moment where I thought I would cry in the middle of our lovemaking.  It was a mix of happy and sad.  On one hand, I felt the joy of being free once more, of not being a prisoner.  On the other, I couldn’t help but compare now to then.  In the back of my head, I was still on Finiuld’s ship.  A hint of the terror remained.

Perhaps Oses saw that in my eyes.  Or maybe he felt the same way himself.  Whatever the reason, he kissed my entire face murmuring, “Safe now, my Shalia.  You’re safe.”

Damn it, I wish I could let the past go once and for all.

Oses moved and shifted me until his prick hit just the right spot.  A cascade of shivering heat ran through me when he found it.  My legs clenched around his waist, drawing him in deep.  His groan answered my higher-pitched cry.

He rutted harder, shoving against that interior nest of nerves.  I got louder.  Tendrils of light squirmed all through my belly, snaking to gather in that one spot.  I ground against Oses to make his groin rub my clit.  More sensation.  Power and exaltation pulling together, coalescing, drawing nearer to explosion.  Oses crushed against me, snarling low in my ear.  I’m pretty sure that just like me, there were no longer any memories in his head to mar the moment.  All was crowded out by that straining for ultimate pleasure.

Orgasm started with a profound flexing sensation deep in my core.  Then a river of feeling raced from my crotch up to my skull, blazing a fierce path to set me screaming.  I was aware of my arms flinging wide, my hands clenched into fists and pounding the wall on either side of me.  Oses’ guttural roar added to the din of my shrieks.  The cacophony was nothing compared to the heaving riot inside my body however.  I felt gloriously shredded, beautifully torn to pieces.

It was an amazing escape.

Oses must have been late to his duties, because it took us several minutes to catch our breath.  Getting our clothing back into place within the cramped confines of the closet shouldn’t have been a big deal, but we were both clumsy in the aftermath.  There was a bunch of fumbling and bumping into one another. 

At last, we were ready to open the door and rejoin the ship.  When the door slid open, we were greeted with applause from three Kalquorians and half a dozen Earther women.  I could have died.

The Kalquorian men, all Nobeks, bowed deeply to the weapons commander. I guess they were letting him know they respected his abilities to get a woman to produce so much noise. With Oses smirking with pride and my face flaming, we went back to my quarters.  After getting me a protein drink and asking half a dozen times if I needed anything, that crazy Nobek went to work.  I decided it would be far less embarrassing to eat dinner in my rooms.

Now it is time to finally com a message to my dads.  I think I’ll do the same with their Matara Joelle, who they’ve kept apprised of my latest calamity.  She’s sent me a few messages of encouragement since I got back.   It’s apparent to me my parent clan did well in choosing a woman ... I guess they didn’t need my opinion after all.  I like what I’ve heard from her. 

But mostly, I need to let Nayun know I’m okay.  I realize Dr. Tep has kept him advised on everything, but I can well understand how he won’t sleep until he sees and hears from me in all my Shalia-ness.  As I contemplate my impending motherhood, I understand more and more how a parent feels for their child.  Though Nayun is an honorary dad rather than a biological one, I know he loves me.  Heaven help that man, but he does. 

I should have contacted him at least a week ago, except I was still enough of a wreck that seeing me might have done Dad more harm than good.  But I’m on my way to feeling more of my old self.  Damn it, if I’m frisky enough to fuck for an audience, then I can assume a little responsibility too.  I need to think of my family and friends.  I need to think about what’s coming and ready for my child’s birth.  It’s time to rejoin life.  I’ve gotten a second chance, so it’s also time to do things better than I’ve done before.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

March 30

I felt so much better this morning, just as I knew I would.  Sleeping snuggled up to Betra made all the difference.  I had no nightmares.  I woke once to go to the bathroom.  The moment I got back in bed and Betra’s arms went around me, making me warm and safe, I was asleep again.  It was wonderful.  Betra as a bedmate is an awesome thing.  I should sleep with him more often, and he might even be agreeable to it ... but I am determined to beat these nightmares first.  I will sleep in my own bed alone tonight, just to prove I can do it.

It’s nice to know I’m not the only one jumping at shadows these days.  Candy is now convinced her quarters are haunted.

She regaled us at breakfast this morning with the story of how she woke up last night, knowing right away something was wrong.  “I could feel it, like when you feel a thunderstorm on its way.  There was this tension in the air, and it built higher and higher with every passing second.”

Katrina was biting her lips together, no doubt amused by Candy’s melodrama.  I have to give her credit for not laughing.  It was a bit much.  It was all I could do to keep my own expression serious.

Candy didn’t pick up on our humor.  She was too busy with her campfire story to notice the looks passing between us.

I asked, “Did it feel like someone was watching you?”

Candy nodded, her curled hair bouncing about her shoulders.  “Oh, most definitely.  And there was this sort of hush, but not the usual quiet.  Like a presence was holding its breath so I wouldn’t know it was there.”

I didn’t know ghosts needed to breathe.  Katrina might have been thinking the same thing, because she decided staring at her plate of food was a good idea at that moment.  It was that or laugh out loud, I’m afraid.

“So I called out, ‘Is someone there?’  But there was still no sound.  I just knew someone was there though.  I could feel it.”

Katrina looked up to give Candy wide eyes.  She’d given up the pretense that she didn’t find the whole thing ridiculous.  “And then what?”

Candy still didn’t catch on.  “And then I saw something move.  Right in the far corner of my sleeping room, where the shadows were deepest.  I couldn’t make out a shape, but I saw this extra darkness there and it shifted just the tiniest bit.”

Katrina clapped her hands to her cheeks.  “Oh my goodness.  What did you do?”

“I jumped right up and yelled for the lights.  They came up right away ... and nothing was there.”  Candy’s tone went all dramatic at that last bit, like delivering the end of a urban legend in which the girl discovers her boyfriend’s bloody corpse.

“No!” Katrina exclaimed, looking more comically horrified than ever.

I couldn’t help it.  I had to laugh at Katrina’s antics.  Candy got pissed off in an instant.

“It’s not funny!  I’m completely serious,” she scowled.  She threw a crispy strip of braised ronka at Katrina.

“Oh stop it, Candy,” our elder friend said, catching the ronka and nibbling on the end.  “A ghost in your quarters?  You’re too old for things like that.”

“A lot you know,” Candy pouted.  “When I was a kid, I had a friend who lived in a place where stuff got moved around all the time.  Her mom was forever putting her keys down in one place and finding them somewhere else.  There are things out there we don’t understand,” she added in a spooky voice.

“Just because we don’t understand them doesn’t mean there isn’t a logical explanation.  Is this the first time something like this has happened in your quarters?”

“Yes, but these things can take time to crank up,” Candy asserted, like she was an expert on the subject.  “Maybe I did something that unknowingly invited a spirit in.”

“Oh for heaven’s sake,” Katrina said, shaking her head.  “Pure bunk.”

I thought it was best I keep my mouth shut on the subject, seeing as how I wasn’t big on the supernatural and Candy acted insulted by Katrina’s teasing.  Unfortunately, Candy turned to me and asked plaintively, “You believe I saw something last night, don’t you, Shalia?”

I did my best to be diplomatic about it.  “I’m sure you think you saw something.  Maybe you just dreamed the whole thing.  Are you sure you were awake?”

She scowled.  “Yes, I’m sure.  Laugh all you want, but something weird happened last night.  I don’t know how I’m supposed to sleep any more with something creepy invading my room.”

I thought about telling her sleeping with a Kalquorian man does wonders for getting rest.  However, that’s a bit more sharing than I care to do right now.  If being friends with Katrina and Candy has taught me anything, it’s that there is a such thing as oversharing.

Monday, October 13, 2014

March 29, late

I can’t sleep.  It’s my first night back in my room, I’m surrounded by familiar things, Betra took care of my sexual needs earlier today, and I’m beyond exhausted.   And yet, I’m afraid to close my eyes.

It’s not that the shadows are bothering me again.  When I wrote how safe I felt earlier today, that was true.  It still is.  There have been no imagined black eyes staring out of corners.  No brightly colored waistcoat hems flashing at the corner of my vision.  I have no urge to hide in my closet or anywhere else.  I really am better where all of that is concerned.

Yet I can feel the nightmares waiting to jump on me the instant I try to settle down.  The moment I start that gentle slide into sleep, I’m back on Finiuld’s ship.  I hear Oses screaming in pain.  I feel the humiliation of being teased and slapped by the Little Creep’s guests.  I remember the Earther man’s cries as Oses did what he had to in order to keep me and my unborn child safe.  I feel Finiuld’s desperate attempts to escape as I choked him.  And then there is the maddened violence of beating Glidas’ brains out.

Too many memories wait for me in sleep.  I’m terrified to go there.

At least in Medical when I started whimpering or screaming, an orderly or nurse would be at my side in an instant.  If I asked, a staff member would sit by my bed all night, holding my hand so I could feel some sense of security while I slept.  Betra also sat with me a couple of nights when he found out I was having trouble with nightmares.

I hate to be needy, but I’m so tired.  I need to rest, and eventually I’ll crash no matter how scared I am.  The thought of facing those terrors in my head alone is bringing me to tears.  I don’t think I can do this.  I’m trying to be strong, but it’s too much.

I’m going to com Betra and ask him if I can spend the night with him.  Just this one time.  I’ll be better tomorrow.  The longer I’m home on the transport, the better I will get.  I know I will.  I just need this one night to adjust.

I just got off the com with Betra.  He’s coming to get me and walk me back to his quarters.  I feel so much better already, knowing I’ll be with him.  The big sweetie didn’t even sound the least bit impatient with me either.  I’m sure I woke him up, but he wasn’t cranky at all.  He simply said, “I’m on my way to get you, Shalia.”  Just like that.

I am so lucky to have him and Oses.  Next time I want to bitch about stuff they do, I’ll try to remember that.